I was recently at an event that included a talk by Dr. Christiane Norhtrup, who I greatly admire for her work with women’s health, her book, Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom, and her great perspective in general. She mentioned that her 84-year old mother was at a base camp at Mt. Everest. That wasn’t Dr. Northrup’s idea of great pleasure but her mother was enjoying it. She brought up the point that pleasure is unique to the individual. It made me remember my DoorMat days when my own pleasure didn’t count.

When you’re insecure, your pleasure can be limited to what others want. Then pleasure becomes pleasing instead.

DoorMats put other people’s pleasure ahead of their own, to please them. What would give you pleasure can get lost in your desire to give others pleasure. I got to the point where I didn’t know what pleasure meant to me personally. My pleasure became solely tied to giving others pleasure, which really wasn’t pleasure at all. It was more like relief–that I’d made someone happy by going along with them so maybe they’d stay my friend.

People pleasers can lose their own pleasure as they please others. Being asked, “What would you like?” can bring up questions in your head that affect your answer:
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•    “What would SHE like?” I’d get caught in this snag often by over-thinking the question and not understanding that she was asking me my preference for a reason. My focus was too skewed toward pleasing to recognize that as I gave an answer based on what I thought she’d like.

•    “What would he want me to like?” I was always scared of being judged if I actually expressed my desire and the person thought it was silly or stupid. I wanted to give the right answer more than I wanted to experience real pleasure. Or I hoped to say the thing he’d be pleased to hear.

All of this creates giant roadblocks for actually achieving your own pleasure. I finally accepted that I DESERVE pleasure and it doesn’t matter if people agree with what gives it to me. And I don’t have to agree with their choices. Pleasure is experienced on a personal level and you have a right to choose your own. I’d actually go as far as to say that being true to your pleasure should be your duty IF you want to be happy and nurture self-love! In my post about Pleasure in my Law of Attraction in Action series, I discussed how important finding your pleasure is in order to attract more.

Everyone is entitled to their own pleasure, even if people disagree with what gives you yours.

For example, I LOVE traveling solo. I was once planning a trip to London and someone I was friendly with want to come with me, insisting that I’d have more fun if we went together. Her main idea of pleasure was going to London with me and indulging in the partying nightlife. Mine was spending time enjoying the city during the day, going to bed early and getting up to spend time in one of my favorite cities. She couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to have her come along and thought my attitude was boring. She actually tried to shame me into relenting.

In the old days I’d have gone with her and partied. This time I wished her luck in finding someone who shared her pleasure because I didn’t. And I knew it was perfectly okay and didn’t feel guilty or weird for chasing day fun over night fun. I often joke with people that I’m a very boring person since I prefer simple pleasure like exploring a city on foot, hiking, sitting in outdoor cafes and writing, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle over going out drinking, staying up late, sleeping in late, etc. My lifestyle is based on my strong self-love, which is strengthened with healthy living.

That doesn’t mean that your self-love can’t include a wilder lifestyle if that’s your pleasure.

The important thing is to identify what gives you pleasure and be true to it no matter who disagrees with your choices. I’m writing this from a park and feeling great pleasure in being outdoors on a nice day writing. Writing is one of my biggest pleasures. Others might think it’s ridiculous but I don’t care a hoot anymore! MY pleasure is what counts. Of course I compromise on where I go when I’m out with others but won’t go along with something I don’t like at all.

Own what gives you pleasure, even if everyone around you doesn’t understand it. It’s YOURS to enjoy! Respect your right to do so. Your happiness depends on it!

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