All our relationships, in particular the ones we have with those we love, exist for a dual purpose, along with their great promise. First, most of us understand that our partner in life is there to help us grow, and to awaken and stir in us an awareness of love’s highest possibilities. But the other – and equally important half of this same purpose and promise – without which the first part can’t succeed – is as follows: our partner in life is also there to help us see everything in us that now stands in the way of our coming to realize this same higher love.
Question: It’s not like he means it, but somehow my partner knows how to push the wrong button in me, and always at exactly the wrong time. It’s as if he waits for me to say, “Yes,” to something, so that then he can say, “No.” So, while I’d really like to learn how to be more patient with him than I am, I don’t have a clue where to begin. Any hints are greatly appreciated!
Answer: No doubt it’s challenging to deal with anyone, let alone a loved one who contradicts us at every turn. But becoming impatient with his unconscious actions – and then blaming him for them – is like yelling at a toaster to stop burning your bread! The real solution to this, and to all similar situations rests within you, not with your partner. We can only bear some negative characteristic in someone else that we have learned to consciously bear in ourselves…which means none of us can be truly compassionate until we know what it means to suffer ourselves for the sake of something greater than ourselves: unconditional love.
Question: I like many of your ideas; most of them resonate with me as true. But honestly…it feels like you’re asking for more than I’m able to give when it comes to letting go and letting love lead me through the trials that I face through almost every day with my partner. I want to believe in higher love – to be able to act with the kind of compassion you’ve called out here as not just our possibility, but our responsibility, as well. Please tell me how I can begin to see this power, so that I might build a greater trust in it.
Answer: We must not just “believe” in the power of love; billions profess this belief, and yet…billions still hurt one another in the name of love. We must learn to see – with our “new eyes” – that love is within and around us at all times. For instance, here’s an example of something that’s always been right before us, as a fact of life, but that has remained just out of sight (until today)! The love we have for anything holy, beautiful, or true is present in our heart before we can think of any reason for the love that we feel. The breathtaking light at sunset, that strain of delicate music, or watching a mother tenderly embrace her child: these moments don’t create the love we feel for what we see before us; these moments reveal the presence, and the power of a love that already lives in us! Do take a moment to consider all that this insight implies: it isn’t we who find things to love, but rather that Love finds – through us –a way to reach us, and to teach us that She lives in and through all things…including us.
Read Previous Post
