Every year at this time I get ill. I don’t understand the lesson I need to learn. Try as I might, I can remember nothing from the past that would have set off such a pattern. Do I need to be psychoanalyzed in order to become conscious of what is really disturbing me, or do I just keep asking God to help show me what I need to see? I feel I have done so endlessly and no answers have been revealed.

Whether seen or not, to be a human being is to repeat patterns. Some are more trying, as with yours. Some seem better, as with those who seem to get rich in life repeatedly. The issue is not the pattern, but the interior pattern-maker within ourselves that loves to tell us what our pain means based on our past experience with it. This nature lives in the dark of us — unaware of itself, let alone anything else connected to real life. All it wants is to keep spinning out reasons for why things are as they are, so that it can continue doing and being what it is: the undiscovered source of unwanted cycles. Working to be awake to yourself will bring the needed Light that can dismiss both this level of self, along with all of its dark patterns. This deliberate work to be aware holds all the possibility in the universe of a new healing.