We’ve all heard of them, some of us have even have them. Friends with benefits (or FWB), they’re the friends that you can have fun with physically and hang out with afterward without all the messy emotional attachment and commitment. Right ? Not so much. All though the idea seems great and harmless, the actual relationship may not stay that way for long. Here’s a few tips to keep your FWB from becoming your enemy.

Do: Be honest

Since this person is your friend as well as someone you’re getting intimate with, honesty is the best policy. If you’re seeing other people in addition to your FWB, tell them. They might feel betrayed or hurt if they find out you were sneaking around with others while you were hooking up with them. Not only be honest with them about your physical activity, but be honest about how you feel emotionally. If you don’t feel emotionally attached to them, good… that’s actually ideal. But if you begin having feelings for them, tell them before feelings get stronger and you get more attached than they are. That’s when these type of relationships tend to fall apart and get really messy.

Don’t: Have sex with the ex

There is one individual in your life that should ABSOLUTELY NEVER be a contender for the position of FWB and that person is your ex. Your ex is not your friend, they are your ex. So technically they would be an EWB, and while the concept seems pleasing (you’ve already slept with them, it’s comfortable territory, etc.), think about how bad this situation could get. There’s nothing holding the two of you together besides sex, so that means they can “legally” hang out with the person they cheated on you with at the same time. As FWB you have no power to be calling the shots. If someone in a past relationship is trying to start a FWB type of a thing, more likely than not that person is still emotionally attached…and that is exactly the reason why you should run from this idea. Run very very far.

Do: Think before you make the plunge

If you’re about to go to the next level with someone you’ve been friends with for awhile, really think hard before you do it. The truth is; sex changes everything, even the greatest friendships. It might be really awkward and something you regret doing.  Be sure to talk about the pros and cons, and make sure this is something that would really benefit the both of you. As surprising as this may be, sex isn’t the most important thing in the world, in fact I’m pretty sure friendship trumps it… well for some people. So make sure you consider this: are a few great (or not so great) sack sessions worth the loss of countless laughs and great conversations?

Don’t: Make them feel like a booty call

Remember that your FWB is first and foremost your friend, so making them feel like they’re only useful for one thing (*cough* sex *cough*) is only going to lead to problems.  Maintaining a platonic relationship with someone you’re getting hot and heavy with but not calling your boyfriend or girlfriend can get sticky, so respect their feelings and just make sure not to make them feel like a piece of ass.

Do: Be mature

If your FWB wants to cut off the sex for any reason, or tells you that they want to move to the next level, don’t flip out if it’s not what you want to hear. Instead, be calm, respect their feelings and accept that all good things must come to an end. Maybe ask for one last pillow kissing session and be done with it. Fighting and throwing a fit isn’t worth it, move on and find a new FWB if that’s what you want.

Don’t: Act like a significant other

The reason your FWB is fooling around with you is probably in part to avoid the drama and stipulations of a relationship. If you’re trying to lay down the law, i.e. tell them where they can/can’t go, who they can/can’t hang out with, or are constantly bugging them, you’re basically defeating the purpose of an FWB. FWB’s are supposed to be the chill and relaxed way to get what you want out of a relationship, aka sex, with someone you really dig. If you’re constantly blowing up their phone and stressing about what they’re doing maybe it’s time you find someone who want’s what you want: a committed relationship.