“I’m pregnant.”

The two most terrifying words in any language. Even in the language of romance, “sono incinta” sends a shiver down the spine and an urgent message to a guy’s testicles to pull up and hide, like right the hell now.

It is odd. After all, pregnancy is really what sex is for, beyond the pleasure of the act and and the pleasure of the act well played. As you drill into familiar flesh, you never know if this time you are going to win the lottery of life, with one of your wigglers finally hitting the finish line. Sorry for that horribly mangled metaphor.

So why is it so terrifying? Terrifying enough to make guys disappear like a puff of smoke on a foggy day?

Well, if you get pregnant, with a guys enthusiastic and totally willing cooperation, the guy involved has a stark choice. Man up. Run like the wind. Or create a robotic suit and become a one man armageddon.

Man up and accept that yes, you have a half share in a squalling blob of pink dough, is the norm. You may not like it, heck, you may not like the woman you drunkenly knocked boots with one night, but it is considered normal. Even honorable.

Run like the wind is also tempting. The problem is when you stop running and CS knocks on your door demanding a rather large check, which, with penalties and interest, looks more like the annual budget of a small country.

The third choice is kind of awesome, but beyond most of our reach unless we are a supergenius arms manufacturer with a dodgy heart and a dangerous alcohol dependancy.

Yeah, I know I am talking about the guy here, not the gal who is gonna swell like a balloon then effectively crap out a bowling ball through her most sensitive passage. Speaking as someone who has never done that, I got no interest in doing so and less interest in thinking about it.

Yet guys have as much investment in that blob as gals do. Unless your name is Mary or Cristabel Hart, some dude had to get hot and heavy with you before you got heavy and overheated. Yon tadpole growing in your belly is as much his as yours.

Most guys man up, hide their fear and take on their responsibility.

Let them. Growing up is never easy.