If you really want to shake up your marriage and get it on the right track—it’s time to have an affair.

Gasp, sputter… what?

In this blog, I’ll explain what I mean, so don’t panic… In addition, I’ll give you 3 tips for rebuilding your marriage, from the ground up if necessary. Please keep reading…

Go Ahead—Cheat

I hope you’re still with me. Let me explain who I’m advocating you have an affair with: your own spouse.

A book recently came out espousing cheating on your spouse with your spouse. Most people do the double-take… what does that mean?

It’s what you’ve been encouraged to do in previous blogs: have fun with your spouse.

When people marry, it’s only too easy for life to get in the way of having fun with our spouse. Hey, you’ve already snagged each other… you can leave the dating world behind, right?

But if you don’t treat each other with the same sense of wonder, interest and sharing that you did during your dating period—you are putting your marriage in jeopardy.

Maybe your marriage is already in jeopardy. Either your spouse has had an affair, or you have had one—or both of you have been tempted. Affairs may be a way to get some spark back for people, but it’s a character flaw to do it in such a way. How does an affair with someone outside your marriage improve things inside your marriage?

It doesn’t. In fact, it can mean the death knell for your bond.

Neglect can erode your marriage, whether either partner decides to cheat or not. You could say your wedding vows, and then let everything slide and end up in divorce court just as easily as a spouse cheating and putting you there. And after an affair, it’s impossible—once you’ve worked on your own self-healing—to rebuild the marriage if at some point you don’t put effort into that actual “building” of the relationship.

And building a relationship is fun—if you make it so.

So if you’re feeling bored in your marriage, or it feels like it’s all work and no play… read on.

All Work and No Play Makes a Sad Marriage

There are many couples who are overloaded with “To Do” lists: they maintain busy professional lives, keep up their home, run their errands, sit on hold for customer support, raise children, help parents who are aging and ailing, volunteer time to needy causes…

And what often gets shunted to not just the backburner—but behind the stove—is their marriage.

Being married is more than just being able to show a piece of paper showing that it’s legally binding. A marriage is a commitment to yourself and your spouse to keep the union thriving. A simple analogy: if a plant doesn’t receive sunlight, water, or nutrients from the soil, for how long can it thrive?

Here are 3 tips to help your marriage thrive through having an affair with your own spouse:

Tip #1: Take a cue from your past

Think back to your dating-your-spouse days…

• What drew you to your partner?
• What types of things did you used to do together as a couple?
• Did you dream of doing certain things together, such as travel, or try a new sport together?

Write down what you can remember.

Tip #2: Assess where you are today

Think about how your life has changed since you married:

• What additional responsibilities do you have now that you didn’t have then?
• When is the last time you sat and had a relaxed conversation with your spouse?
• Where did you go on your last outing as a couple—and when was that?

You may notice, when you write down your answers to these questions, that life has definitely gotten in the way. Either you were more carefree while you were dating because you were younger and didn’t have very many responsibilities, or you prioritized your dating time.

Tip #3: Grab your spouse and go

It’s time to plan an outing. Don’t let anything become an issue: if you want something bad enough, you can make it happen.

If money is an issue, then plan an outing that doesn’t cost. Many communities post free music and other art events. Movie theaters have reduced pricing at certain times. Or, plan to make an exotic meal together.

Or, plan some time with your spouse as if you were carrying on an affair: wear your finest, meet in a dark, corner booth in an out of the way restaurant, make out in the car. Consider it role-playing, fantasy, whatever—it’s okay because it’s within the confines of your marriage, where it belongs.

The idea here it to light a spark of excitement back in your marriage by planning something with your spouse that you can both look forward to and have a good time doing it. Dating your spouse can give you that feel-good flush you’ll remember from those early days.