Anyone who is in a relationship with an alcoholic will already know how challenging this can be. In fact, dealing with an alcoholic partner is one of the most emotionally, and also physically challenging things you’ll ever have to deal with. This is especially true if you’re a woman. So what can you do about this problem? How do you cope with a partner who suffers from alcohol dependency? Below you’ll find a few ideas which can help you answer these questions.

1. Decide if You’re Really Serious About the Relationship

To start with, you have to decide if you’re really serious about this relationship. Dealing with a partner who is dependent on alcohol is an incredibly difficult challenge. You have to decide if you’re willing to put in the hard work and effort that it will take to stay in this relationship. If this is a casual relationship that you’re not invested in, then it’s probably best to simply leave. 

What you also have to realize is that there’s a very good chance that your partner’s behaviour may never change. Most alcoholics struggle to quit alcohol and the majority of them are unsuccessful says Johnny K – owner of True Life Recovery detox center in Orange County, California. This means you’re going to have to put up with your partner’s dependency. Is this really the life you want to live? Is this the type of person you want in your life? These are difficult questions, but you have to answer them.

2. Provide Material Support

Many alcoholics are almost completely helpless. This means your partner may need all sorts of material support. For example, it could mean helping them with a place to stay. Food, money, or emotional, physical and material support. This is something you have to be aware of. You also have to decide if you’re willing to actually provide this support, and how doing this will affect your life.

3. Seek Professional Help and Build a Support Network

Dealing with someone who is dependent on alcohol is a highly traumatic and emotionally draining experience. It’s something which is incredibly difficult to deal with all on your own. To get through this it’s important that you have a support network. You need people who will help you through this difficult experience, and also people who will support and help you. 

Most often this will be your friends and family, but you should also see a therapist if you can. A therapist can guide you through this, give you professional advice, and also help you resolve your own mental health problems. There are also dozens of support groups for people who have alcoholics in their life, and you may want to attend one of these.

4. Protect Yourself

If your partner becomes violent or aggressive when abusing alcohol then you should leave immediately. The unfortunate fact is that if it happens once, it will happen again, and this can be extremely dangerous. You need to be careful and protect yourself from this violence. In fact, if your partner behaves this way it’s probably a good idea to leave them. Violence or aggression demonstrates that your partner isn’t serious about the relationship, and that you should no longer waste your time with them.

5. Be Patient

Rome wasn’t built in a day. By the same token, quitting alcohol isn’t something which happens overnight. It’s a long, drawn out, and extremely difficult process. Depending on the severity of the addiction it could take weeks, months, or even years. This means you need to be patient. If you’re serious about the relationship, then you have to be prepared for the long haul, and this can be extremely difficult.

6. Talk to Them About Their Problem

Alcoholism isn’t something you should simply ignore. Don’t let this problem become an elephant in the room. Talk to them about their issues and also how it affects your relationship. They need to understand how destructive their addiction is for both them and yourself. It’s important that they acknowledge they have a problem and that something needs to be done about it. If they refuse to do this, or admit they have a problem, then it may be time to end the relationship. Also, it’s probably best to talk to them about this issue when they are sober.

7. Help Them Get Professional Help

One of the best things you can do for an alcoholic is help them get into professional treatment. As we’ve said many alcoholics are almost completely helpless. This means they may find it almost impossible to stop, or get help for themselves. As the person’s partner you are uniquely positioned to assist them with this. It’s up to you to help them get treatment. This could mean supporting them in their efforts to drink less, or exploring treatment options like going into rehab or attending AA meetings.

8. Don’t Try To Make Them Stop

The unfortunate fact is that you can’t force an alcoholic to stop drinking. No amount of nagging, belittling, or persuasion will help. Trying to force them to quit may actually make them worse. It could harden their resolve to continue drinking and may even accelerate their addiction. What you have to understand is that the person will only stop drinking once they have made up their mind to quit for good. All of you can do is be there to support them when that happens.

9. Don’t Blame Yourself or Take Things Personally

Many women blame themselves for their partners’ addiction. But this simply isn’t true. Their drinking has absolutely nothing to do with you, and you should never blame yourself or take things personally. The only person who is responsible is the person who is drinking.

10. Don’t Help Them Hide Their Drinking

Something else you should avoid is helping the person cover up their drinking. Most alcoholics are ashamed of their problem and will try to hide it. Do not help them do this. It’s best that they deal with the issue openly and honestly. Making excuses and helping them hide their issue will only enable them to continue drinking.