I’m all about setting up friends on dates. I’ve been set up by friends on dates and have quite enjoyed myself. However, playing matchmaker can be a tricky and complicated process. Everyone isn’t open to the idea of being matched by their friends, and every potential couple isn’t the perfect couple. In a recently asked question about setting up friends, I received some interesting responses, including one that would have ended a friendship.

There are some things to consider while playing matchmaker. While you may think a perfect couple is to be had, you don’t know how the two will interact with one another until they are face to face. Just because you think two people will get along well, doesn’t mean that they will.

Don’t try to match people based on surface qualities, such as race, general hobbies (i.e. “they like computers”) or even basic similarities, (i.e. “she also has cats!”) There are a few cases where this works, but in general, the surface stuff doesn’t interconnect as well. I’ve experienced being set up with someone just because of my ethnicity. Other than the shade of our skin, we didn’t have anything in common. At first I was slighted by their judgement, they had other friends I had more of an interest in, but they thought this would be the best matchup for me. When I asked them about their thought process they responded with, “I thought you two would have more in common.” While ethnicity is a commonality, it isn’t the deciding commonality between two people. Gender is a commonality, but I don’t see my friends trying to set me up with other men, it’s because they know I’m interested in women. The same goes with a person’s characteristics, don’t set someone up with another person, just because they are the same ethnicity, set them up because they would seem mesh well.

Don’t be ignore your friends relationship history. The worst thing you can do is set your friend up with a serial dater, or someone who consistently sabotages their relationships. Be mindful of their dating history, when matching your friends. If one person has just come out of a long relationship, and the other is commitment ready, there may be a poor match in the making. Always think about how each person would act? What would be the potential pitfalls? Would one cheat on the other? Not every relationship will be perfect, however there are some obvious relationship pitfalls to avoid if you consider these facts. Also remember, if something happens, they both will come to you for advice.

Lastly, ask if they want to be set up. Often many aren’t comfortable with blind dates, even from friends. See if your friend is open to the possibility of being set up by you. If it’s a good friend, they will often trust your judgement, if not, you may want to provide some evidence that this person is a good pick for them, this often includes a photo.