When I was a young warthooooooooooooog…ahem…when I was but a wee lad I remember my parents playing the song “I Just Called To Say I Love You” by Stevie Wonder off of The Woman In Red soundtrack starring Gene Wilder. I was, like, eight at the time so the words were lost on me and as I got older and more cynical about love I thought that was total wacksauce.

But you know what? Expressing one’s love is really a great idea…especially if you do it randomly and when its least expected. Like, say you know that your boothang is going to have a rough day at work and at some random hour, say 234pm, you call just to say “I love you”, well you have made their day. All you do is win win win, no matter what, that way.

Well, as a service to the good people who venture to these mean e-streets and need to put a little love in their hearts, here are 5 reasons that you should just call to say, “I love you”.

It increases the evening nude quotient by at least 50 percent

People love random. But people especially love random acts of love. It’s called an aphrodisiac. It’s just like chocolate, pr0n and John Cougar Mellencamp albums. If you, broham, call your lady at work just to tell her that and nothing else, her drawz are going to get moister than some Jiff biscuits in a bathtub. This doesn’t work as well on guys as we will become increasinginly suspicious that something is up, but when we get home and nothign is up…but us…we’ll love you down and love you long time.

It’s just nice to do

You know what else is nice? Trees. Nobody gets mad at trees. Do you know why? It’s because they’re nice. So be like a tree and call your boothang and tell him or her that you love them for the environment and show solidarity with a tree, dammit.

You give your significant other big league points

What you’ve effectively done is given your SO carte blanche to smile and go to their coworker and say, “my boo loves me and just told me for the hell of it. What has your boopiece done for you lately? Get like me, beyotch.” People don’t use the word beyotch enough anymore.

There’s no reason not to

Sit down here with me for a second. *pats chair* Your boothang probably crosses your mind quite a few times during the day. Why not make their day just one of those times. It will make for happier times because they will feel appreciated. And do you know what people who feel appreciated do? Go out of their way to do the same for you. Pretty soon you’ve created a habit of two people who love eachoter acually doing so; actively loving each other which means that the world is a better place. If it pisses God off when you walk by the color purple and don’t notice it, imagine how He feels when you don’t just call to say I love you. I’ll bet he’s sad.