As USA Today headline from today’s edition warns: “FDA report reveals airline food could pose health threat.”

When I read that headline, my first thought was . . . What airline food?

Then I started thinking about it . . .

You could choke on an airline pretzel from that eensy-teensy bag they give you (if you’re lucky). And, since your drink won’t arrive for a half hour, and since you’re so crowded in to your row that you can’t get to the bathroom for water, you might just choke to death.

Or you could have an allergic reaction to peanuts from that eensy-teensy bag they give you (if you’re lucky). But, even if you’re allergic to peanuts, they give you so few that you probably don’t have to worry.

Some airlines actually give out cookies, for free. But this could be dangerous, because a couple of little cookies just whet your appetite. They make you realize how hungry you really are. Then, in a fit of desire, you steal your neighbor’s last cookie, and a fight breaks out. That could be a health threat.

I’m old enough to remember when airlines used to give out actual meals on a flight. I guess these may have been prepared in unsanitary and unsafe conditions, according to the FDA. So, maybe I should be glad that I don’t have to eat that dangerous food anymore.