Solitude is necessary for my existence just as water is. Without it, I wither and become listless in my desiccated state. I am not, however, a hermit. I am in a committed relationship, married in fact, and must negotiate my needs for solitude within this relationship.

Unlike Fenton Johnson in his recent Harper’s article, I feel that we can attain hydrating solitude within the confines of a committed relationship. This feat requires cooperation. If your partner also needs solitude to water themselves, that is a helpful start. But we are not all married to other introverts. Asking for time to oneself is an easy sell to an introvert partner and a much harder one to an extroverted one who may not get, intuitively, the ask for time alone. Here are some steps to consider:

• Ask
• Explain why it is necessary (feel free to use my thirst metaphor)
• Commit to taking the time
• Maximize the soul-nurturing quality of that time (meditation can accomplish this; so, too, can creative endeavors)
• Be fully present during the times when you are with your partner

Seeking solitude is a self-care habit as assuredly as drinking water. We can certainly forget to drink half our body weight in ounces of water each day and survive. Likewise, you can ignore your solitude needs and survive, but thriving may be out of the question. Over time, we will just become weary, disconnected, and life may feel colorless. We may become irritable. And we may take refuge in the low hanging fruit of an ersatz solitude — the television. Mindfulness practice is better.

You can find more about relationships and solitude in the Awakened Introvert: Order your copy now.