Are you weary of giving voice to the same tired old invectives when boorish rubes intrude upon your serenity?

“Don’t you wish you could inveigh your enemy with a genuinely classic put-down?” asks writer Pete Lewin. “Well, now you can. With this handy-dandy Shakespearean Insult Kit you can have the spleen of The Bard at your disposal!

“The next time someone cuts you off in traffic or a clerk behaves rudely, stun them with your lexicographical command of vituperation.”

Here is the kit.

So, have fun. When you’ve had it with that cashier who ignores you while laughing on her cellphone, smile and say: “Thou tottering, spur-galled varlot! Do thy job!”

And when somebody jumps into the taxi ahead of you, scowl at them, shake your fist as they drive off and utter: “Thou pibbling, knotty-pated malt-worm!”

See, you feel better already, don’t you?