“I didn’t do it!” A little white lie, a little deflection, a small choice to blame someone else. Not a big deal, right? We all blame, whether it’s the dog that ate our homework or the sibling that broke mom’s lamp, we grow up learning to blame. But blame doesn’t stop when we grow up. We blame our unhappiness on circumstances outside our control, our broken marriage on our ex-spouse (obviously), and our general failure as adults on our less than ideal childhood. We blame. So why is it a big deal? Here are three reasons why blame is so destructive in your life:

1. Blame destroys relationships with other people. When you blame you don’t just blame bad luck, you blame a person. How do you feel when someone blames you for their issues? Do you feel closer to them? Do you say, “Man, I’d be more than happy to take responsibility for your screw ups.”? No, we say, “grow up and take responsibility for your life.”

And by the way, when you blame others, who sees through it? Everyone. No one says, “Wow, maybe it really was all my fault.” When someone blames others, everyone sees right through it. When you blame others, you’re not fooling anyone. All you’re doing is destroying good relationships around you.

2. When you blame, you stay the same. Let’s say today you’re in town and while walking through a parking lot you trip over the curb. It’s a hard fall, cuts and scrapes and bruises all over the place. In a day or two, what’s going to form over those cuts and scrapes? Scabs. Disgusting to look at, but they serve a very important purpose. They form a protective shell over the injured area, giving your body the time it needs to heal.

Now, how many of you have picked your scabs off before you were supposed to? How many of you heard from your parents or have told your kids, “Don’t pick off the scabs!”? Why? Because unless it scabs, it will never heal. As ugly as a scab is to look at, it’s necessary for the healing process.

Our mistakes, our sin, our poor choices, they’re the cuts and scrapes and bruises in your life. And the guilt, the remorse, the shame, those are the scabs, the part that exposes your inner ugliness but gives you the necessary motivation needed to repent, to change, to make things right.

So when you constantly blame others for your actions, you’re constantly shifting responsibility. You’re constantly picking off the scab before you have a chance to heal. If you constantly blame, you’ll stay the same. You’ll never get better, you’ll never fully heal. When you blame others, the person you’re ultimately hurting is yourself.

3. Blame props open the door and allows Satan free access to your life. This is why blame isn’t innocent, it’s incredibly dangerous. When you blame others, you’re lying to yourself, you’re lying to others, and you’re lying to God. When you blame you’re lying. And lying is Satan’s native language.

We all have a native language, and I’m not just talking about English. For some of you, if I started talking about video games, you would light up. Video games are your native language. If I talked about college football or sports, hunting, your kids, the Kardashians. We all have native languages. Here’s what Jesus said about Satan’s native language:

You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. John 8:44

Do you know what happens when you consistently speak Satan’s native language and allow him free access to your life? I’ll put it this way: nothing good. We’ve all seen the end result, an older adult, broken and bitter, no close relationships left, sad and alone, and they still won’t change because nothing is ever their fault. That’s the outcome when you blame.

So how do you stop the blame game? That’s the subject of my next post. Stay tuned!