Bad news, everyone: it appears we may all be stuck with this place a little longer than we had hoped. Scientists have announced the first habitable exoplanet discovered, Gliese 581, may not be a planet at all, but simply a misinterpretation of the data. Yes, I am as disappointed as the rest of you, and I too had big plans to relocate somewhere safer and more caring and generally better run.

Oh well. At least we still have Prayer Bear.

Since we all seem to be stuck with each other for at least a little while longer, let’s have a look at upcoming conditions in the next week.

Uranus stations and goes retrograde on Monday. Good news: a Uranus Station makes your crazy schemes a little more likely to succeed. Bad news: your crazy schemes might just be crazy. Think it through, people.

Your best day of the week overall for human relations may be Thursday. The Sun is conjunct Jupiter, Venus is trine Neptune, and Mercury is trine Saturn. So if you’re looking for a day to eloquently plead for forgiveness or convince someone to cut you some slack, make a note of it.

Mars enters Scorpio on Friday. Frankly, even if Libra was a relatively good placement in your chart, the rest of us of have all gotten sick and tired of Mars in Libra over the last nine months, so deal with it. Mars in Scorpio is not the least bit moved by your tears over this.

The New Moon in Leo is happening Saturday morning in North America. This is always an excellent time to set down your intentions for the following month. It’s like New Year’s Resolutions broken down into 12 bite-size chunks. This New Moon is a little edgier than most, given that it is square that Mars freshly entered into Scorpio, so any of your resolutions that involve “not taking any crap” or “finally facing that situation down” are more likely to succeed.

Now, here’s your forecast:

Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Clams produce pearls because of little grains of sand that get inside them and cause irritation. The first part of the week might be annoying, but the weekend will have its rewards.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
If people haven’t been noticing just how magnificent you are lately, you might have to remind them. This week, your words and actions will help do that for you.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Your sign is considered to have a lot of “mental energy,” but the truth is that recently you may have just felt “mental.” Later this week you’ll have a chance to rein it in and get some real results for your intellectual efforts.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Yes, people really do like you. Yes, you really are a good person, and others generally recognize that. Now: project that niceness towards others in your environment, and you’ll get better-than-average results.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Prepare yourself for a fabulous week of fabulous fabulousness! By which I mean, “next week.” This week is likely to be more full of minor, petty annoyances than anything else. But really, prepare yourself!
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
You know that quiet but powerful voice in the back of your head? No, not the one you talk to your therapist about, the one that tells you that life is great and will continue to get better. Listen to that voice, because it’s right. The second one, that is.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Make your social connections work for you, in both practical and emotional terms. This weekend could be particularly good for social networking and/or romance. You know you’ve got the charm, now use it!
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
If you’re operating from a secure base, you could probably conquer the world. Work on your base and your grounding and your home life this week, and your plans for global domination will be one step closer to completion.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
For others, “are we having fun yet?” may be a rhetorical question. To you, this week, it could become a Mission Statement. Approach your issues joyfully this week, and this month in general, and you’ll be able to achieve your goals.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Wouldn’t it be great if you could just sort and organize all the people in your life into a neat, efficient filing system? You may have noticed it doesn’t usually work that way, but this week you’ll have reasonably good success putting your human relations into order. Note I said reasonably: they’re still human after all.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
People genuinely like you, cause you’re great person and not just because you spend money on them. Well, this week, they’ll probably like you for both reasons. What I’m trying to say here is: try budgeting your social activities a little more carefully this week, okay?
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
The more time you spend taking care of yourself this week, the better the rest of your month will go. You might be feeling a little drained, so pace yourself. Doing a little extra work will get you great results, so whatever it is you’re working on, don’t be afraid to put in a little overtime.

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