(The following is a transcript of a recent conversation with my imaginary celebrity client George Lucas, creator of the Star Wars films. Unfortunately his side of the conversation didn’t record, but I’m hoping it can be spliced in later when I release the Special Edition of this blog with better effects.)
***
Hi George! It’s been a while since we’ve talked.
(…..)
Really? Are you sure everything is going great with you? Remember, I’m your astrologer and I can see what transits you’re having.
(…..)
Yeah, I know… you already made a gigantic fortune from Star Wars and then you sold the rights for four billion dollars. Of course you’re happy with that. But at the same time transiting Saturn is opposite your Uranus and transiting Jupiter is going to station square your Saturn. Those are difficult transits to be happy with. Even if I wasn’t your astrologer, I’ve read your comments about The Force Awakens, and —
(!!!!!)
Yeah, I know you didn’t say you hated it, but your praise was pretty, um, faint, and —
(!!!!!)
…And yes I know you had treatments for the next trilogy all written up and the new owners tossed them. That has to hurt, especially when you consider how much money the movie featuring none of your ideas and a bunch of characters you didn’t create is making even more money that your original films did.
(…..)
That’s because the two planets ruling your career, Saturn and Uranus, are under such stress.
(?????)
That’s right, I’m using Whole Sign Houses, George. I’m glad you read my article about that. So pretty much anything happening with your career and public life is going to be… well, kind of painful. And by the end of 2016 you’ll be having your Saturn Opposition, just in time for the release of “Star Wars: Rogue One,” which will probably stray from your vision a lot further.
(!!!!!)
No, it’s not my job to depress you. It’s my job to provide guidance. You see… there’s actually incredibly good news here for you too.
(?????)
You see, transiting Pluto will be trine your Ascendant for the next three or four years, and that’s a huge opportunity to reinvent yourself. You already have all the material resources, but now the planets are right to make this the best time of your life! And let’s be honest here: we all could stand to reinvent ourselves sometimes, but not all of us will get that useful a transit for it.
(?????)
Well, for example you could… okay, I’m going to be more blunt with you than I usually am with my clients, George, but it’s all said with love, okay? Thematically speaking, most if not all of your films have been about some combination of parental/authority issues and hot-rods.
(?????)
Well, spaceships and airplanes are hot-rods, in a sense. And I don’t have to point out all the father issues in the Star Wars films, do I? In fact, you’ve even lived this scenario out and (in a sense) became the monster you railed against. Your creative control over the “prequel trilogy” meant you were surrounded entirely by sycophants, so that no criticism could reach your ears until it was too late and the critics tore them apart. And you stranded your actors in gigantic soulless green screen studios and gave them little or nothing to react to other than concept pictures of CGI effects that hadn’t been created yet. And your reliance on CGI is really just another version of your fondness for hot-rods… and machines in general. The only water in your chart is Mars in Cancer, which contributed to both your control issues and your fondness for machines… Mars rules machines in general. Did you know that?
(!!!!!)
And even with all that… you still created great, successful entertainment! In a lot of ways what you’re feeling about The Force Awakens is the same as what happens when a child grows up and turns out differently than what you had expected or hoped for. That’s not failure… that’s how life works. So I say: embrace what you’ve done for the world, take advantage of your circumstances and that Pluto transit, and do what makes you happy, whatever that may be.
(…..)
You’re welcome, and I’m glad I could help. Now go be your best self and discover what else you can do for the world, or yourself, or whatever pleases you. You’ve earned it.
(…..)
You’re welcome again. And please, whatever you do… no more Jar Jar, okay?
(click)
…George…?
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