One of the most unfair characterizations about Gemini is that they switch back and forth between two entirely different personalities. This completely dismisses the Gemini capacity to be several people more or less simultaneously. Have you ever had one of those phone calls to Customer Service where they keep transferring you from one department to another and you keep getting different answers, but never the right one? Yeah… it can be a bit like that.

***

Thanks for calling Gemini! How may I help you?

Hi. Are you going to be home from work on time tonight?

We’re currently experiencing unusually high call volumes. Your estimated wait time for an answer to this question is between two and four minutes.

Wait, who else is calling —

(Seven minutes of hold music while waiting, specifically, this…)

Thanks for calling Gemini! How may I help you?

Are you going to be home on time tonight? I’ve planned something for your birthd —

Well, you know, it’s awfully busy here at work and I’m doing my best.

I just don’t understand you sometimes.

Para servicio en español, presione “dos.”

Ha ha, that’s hilarious. Now can you answer my question? I’ve made some plans for you and it’s cost me a fair bit of money to —

Ah, I see. Let me put you through to Billing.

What? Wait…

(Several more minutes of hold music)

Thanks for calling Gemini! How may I help you?

Good God, it’s hard to get a straightforward answer out of you sometimes.

That’s because reality is complicated. Now, as regards the money you shelled out for my birthday tonight? I do appreciate that, and thank you. But right now I’m in the middle of my own situation regarding a bill and I can’t just drop everything right now to give you an answer. You see…

What are you talking about? I just don’t understand you sometimes.

Pour service en Français, appuyez “trois”

Now you’re just being deliberately difficult! Are you coming home on time tonight or not? I need an answer!

Let me put you through to a supervisor. If you’ll please hold…

Now, wait, don’t you dare —

(More hold music)

Thanks for calling Gemini! How may I help you?

(sigh) Are you going to be home on time tonight or not?

Normally I’d say “sure, no problem.” But like I said there’s this situation with work, and with billing, that’s making things really complicated for me. It’s pretty complicated to explain.

Well, maybe you can take the time to lay it out for me in a way that my non-Gemini brain can comprehend.

Для обслуживания на русском языке, пожалуйста —

STOP THAT! You’ve fed me some kind of line about work being complicated, and there’s an issue with a bill, but you haven’t answered my one simple question in a straightforward manner. Now cut the crap and tell me if you’re going to be home on time tonight or —

(Seventeen minutes of hold music)

Thanks for calling Gemini! I’m at the bar with a few friends for my birthday, and they’re currently arguing over who’s going to pay for the next round. I’ll be home later. I might bring a couple of buddies back with me. You okay with that? I hope so, but if not — I can explain. Please leave your message after the beep and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.

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