The planet Mercury in your birth chart has a lot of things to do with what’s on your mind, how your thoughts work, and how you translate those thoughts into words and behaviors. It’s the part of you that plays along with game shows at home. These are personal qualities that, to be honest, most people don’t get terribly excited about. When people want to learn astrology, it’s usually because they want to know why their love life is so screwed up, or why their job is so lousy. But more often than not, those situations exist (or continue to exist) at least in part because of your ability (or lack of ability) to think things through logically or to express your needs.
Sure, Mercury is great — but anything that can be used can be misused. So let’s take a look at Mercury through the first four Signs in terms of telemarketing calls.
Mercury in Aries
Aries has a reputation for being a hothead, and Mercury in Aries plays right along. Your thinking and speech are often impulsive and decisive. You can produce a lot of ideas in rapid-fire succession, but you don’t usually do all that well with long-term plans and practicality. You would probably be an excellent debater, specializing in quick comebacks and snappy one-liners. Mercury in Aries is much better suited to a rap battle than to debating an amendment to the Tax Code. This placement is excellent for quick, staccato outbursts of speech, finishing other people’s sentences, and chewing out the waiter when the order is wrong. Watch for quick little emphatic head-bobs when someone with Mercury in Aries is making a point or really excited about something.
“So yeah, about our new long distance plan: it’s good. Really good. So you are going to sign up now, right? Whaddaya mean you don’t use long distance? You’re talking to me, and I’m in Mumbai. See? Told you so. And just to prove it, I’ll call you again tomorrow. Maybe the next day too. Unless of course you accept our time limited offer now. What’s the time limit? It expires five minutes after you run out of patience and break down and give us your long-distance business.”
Mercury in Taurus
Mercury in Taurus can sometimes get it wrong, but loses few marks because it remembered to show all its work. This placement is often better at making existing ideas work better rather than coming up with that one breakthrough idea. In fact, Mercury in Taurus is likely the one that will spot the obvious flaws in someone else’s “breakthrough idea” first. Your thinking has a tendency to be influenced by price, practicality and appearance. Mercury in Taurus usually has good focus when working on an idea. Once you’ve put your mind to finding a solution, it’s only a matter of time until you do find one. It just may take you a very long time. Often people with Mercury in Taurus have a slight tendency to linger on their vowels slightly longer than the average person, as if they’re enjoying the pronunciation process a little more than others do.
“By signing up today, you’ll save 25% off of the newsstand price. Yes, I understand you don’t actually have a dog, but by subscribing to Shih-Tzu Illustrated you’ll have all the information at hand to make the right choice should you change your mind about that. Also, the paper is glossy and the little doggies are 30% more adorable than before… they all have little sweaters on now! Isn’t that adorable? Sorry? But… if you’re allergic, why are you on my call list for today? We were supposed to call the allergic people yesterday! You must be mistaken.”
Mercury in Gemini
Mercury in Gemini is considered to be an excellent placement; these are the people who often get tagged as “bright” early on in school. They also often get labelled “hyperactive” or fidgety; these people are prone to being unable to concentrate in an over-stimulating environment. This placement usually has a talent for trivia games and “thinking outside of the box.” You probably know at least a little bit about a lot of different things… and often, that’s all it takes to figure out the rest. When someone with Mercury in Gemini is speaking about a matter that excites them, you have to listen twice as carefully for the breaks so you can get your comment in, because they tend to be particularly short and far in between.
“You wouldn’t believe how useful our product is! You’ll wonder how you ever managed without it. It slices, it dices, and it can cut through a tin can and stays sharp enough to slice a tomato paper-thin! Let your child run around the house with it and it becomes an educational toy! Eliminate household pests! Remove stubborn stains! And that’s just the monthly bill… the magazine itself is pretty useful too.”
Mercury in Cancer
A Crabby Mercury is an interesting placement: at home with logic, yet deeply attuned to your emotional environment. You’d probably make an excellent marriage counselor for almost any situation… except probably your own. You’re probably bad at lying, except for the lies you’ve come to believe, which is a phenomenon that can happen to anyone, but maybe to you a little more than others. You likely learn things best by soaking in them and absorbing it all more or less at once. Being aware of the feelings of others around you can help you see through their foibles, or (if you aren’t careful) you could end up joining the pitchfork-wielding mob without quite knowing what you’re rebelling against. When you want to, your voice probably has an exceptionally comforting tone.
“I understand you don’t feel you need a home security system. But have you thought about the safety of your children? You don’t have any? Okay, what about your valuables? You don’t have — okay: how would you feel about a complete stranger breaking in and going through your underwear? Ha! Didn’t think you’d like that. So, please buy this from me: my supervisor has been a jerk about my sales all day.”
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