To: The Editors, Beliefnet
From: Matthew Currie
Subject: Writing About Astrology On The Internet
I’ve recently started to re-evaluate how I communicate the ancient and majestic wonder of Astrology on these pages. Astrology, done properly, is a lot more complicated than just Sun Sign stuff. But when I look at the things that get attention on the Internet, the emphasis isn’t exactly towards complex thought. It seems that a large percentage of the information out there is geared towards keywords, large stock photography images, and over-simplification. Keeping this in mind, I have written the following blog entry in a more Internet-friendly manner, based on my research (thanks Google, you’re great!).
The more I think about it, all the easy stereotypes about Astrology and about Millennials are a match made in Clickbait Heaven. If you like this and it gets sufficient clicks, I have a lot more ideas in mind. Like, “12 Sexy Sex Positions For Astrology Sex Orgasms” and “{numbered list} Adjective Keyword Astrology Keyword Adjective With GIFs Of Zooey Deschanel!” that I really think both you and the readers will enjoy. Let me know!
***
1.Because Astrology helps you skip the hard work and get right to the good stuff, just like Aries likes it!
2. Astrology makes you comfortable with your place in the Universe without you actually having to go outside and interact with it. That’s how Taurus rolls!
3. Just like a Gemini, Millennials want the facts, all the facts, right now. That makes it easier for them to come to whatever conclusion they want to — but with facts!
4. Millennials want to feel loved and special, and knowing your Sun Sign says that you are going to be just as loved and special as the other 8.3% of the human population that shares your Sign!
5. No, never mind that, you are totally more awesome than everyone else. Astrology helps you do it up Leo Style!
6. Millennials want to keep up on the latest health and diet trends, because as any Virgo can tell you, there’s nothing more embarrassing than being on a health kick and discovering that it’s 6 months out of style.
7. Do I look good? Do I meet with the favorable judgment of my peers? Mostly though, do I look good? Of course you do. You got your Libra thing happening!
8. Because Millennials are backpacking across Europe and now their periods are late.
9. Because you’ve got ideas, man, and you’re expressing them your way, dude, just like a Sagittarius.
10. Millennials love how Astrology gives them a quick and efficient grip on their personalities and those of others. Isn’t that what all Capricorns really want?
11. Aquarius is all about freedom and uniqueness. Millennials love being free and being unique, but the need the Internet to tell them how to do it.
12. Millennials wants to feel a sense of connectedness to the larger Universe, just like Pisces does… and neither of them care how goofy they look while they’re getting that sense of connectedness.
***
To: Matthew Currie
From: The Editors, Beliefnet
Subject: Don’t let the door hit you on the way out
Frankly, Matthew, this was terrible. However, we’ve just had an editorial meeting and decided that at least some of your thinking is valid. That’s why starting next week you will be replaced by an attractive 25 year old who just finished her Bachelor’s Degree in Communications. She has 25 thousand followers on Instagram, and she’s pretty sure she’s “a Libra or something like that.”
Best of luck with your future endeavors. Please do not contact us again.
Curious about how my new e-book: “Saturn Trine Uranus: Playing With Power” can help you work with this energy to get maximum benefit? Feel free to write me about it!
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