Got back last night from a trip to San Antonio, Texas, with my family. We hit Sea World on Friday and Six Flags-Fiesta Texas on Saturday. Based on these two experiences, I have made the following stereotypical generalizations about people from the United States. (Or, at the least, those who come to San Antonio to visit theme parks.)

1. There are a whole lot of Americans — regardless of race, color, and/or heritage — who will pay lots of money to spend the day crammed into outdoor auditoriums in temperatures of 100+ (with high humidity) in order to see a killer whale swim around in a big tank.

2. More and more of these Americans seem to be, if not clinically obese, then at least way overweight.

3. This does not prevent them from spending $7.99 for a big bucket o’ curly fries.

4. This also does not prevent them from wearing swimsuits that do little to hide their overweightness.

5. Most Americans will gladly pay $3.99 for 16 ounces of their favorite beverage. A surprising number of Americans will pay $12.99 for a 16-oz refillable souvenir cup of their favorite beverage, thinking it’s a good deal because they can refill it throughout the day. They will then refill it only once.

6. Though I have two small, tasteful tattoos, most Americans have more tattoos than me, and these tattoos are not nearly as tasteful. Or small.

7. Most Americans mistakenly believe their two-year-old child will enjoy a vacation to an amusement park and remember it forever. They are wrong. The child will either sleep all day or throw tantrums all day, but these activities can be accomplished at home. For free.