I seem to be having trouble remembering it, but according to this “Success Stories” article at Moultrie Feeders, yours truly recently bagged a huge buck near Rattan, Oklahoma, last gun season! You may doubt, but the facts are there.

Apparently, way back in the day, my uncle and I nicknamed another big buck “Ol’ Mossyback.” It is not clear from the article whether the deer I shot was Ol’ Mossyback or not. But anyway: Ol’ Mossyback.

The 21-point buck may in fact be a state record! This is exciting! I am not even kidding about this.*

* DISCLAIMERS:

• OK, fine. I’m kidding.

• I am not even a hunter.

• Actually, I hunted once. For wild turkey, with my dad, when I was 13 or so. I took one shot with a rifle and missed. And for the record, I was kinda glad I missed.

• I have never bagged a buck, huge or otherwise.

• My uncle and I do not routinely nickname the animals we have killed, but if we did, I am certain “Ol’ Mossyback” would be a name we come up with. Because it’s awesome.

• The next time I kill a mosquito or a spider, I am totally going to give it a nickname. Like “Ol’ Fiddleback.” Especially if it is a brown-recluse spider.

• There a distinct possibility that more than one Jason Boyett exists in the world, one of whom may or may not live in the timber country of Oklahoma.