First, I need you to look at the product below, produced by some new Christian brand called 1 in 3 Trinity. They specialize in Christian clothing and energy drinks. That’s right: energy drinks. You should know that a Christian energy drink, apparently, is a real product and not at all something made up by Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert or Bill Maher. It’s real.

Energy Drink: Fused with Fruit of the Spirit.

And I thought Christian t-shirts were weird.

By the way, I learned of this fine new product from Mr. Matthew Paul Turner, with whom I occasionally G-chat for fun but never profit. The exchange was as follows:

Imagine my surprise, though, when I looked more closely at the Spirit-ade drink and discovered it contained only 10 calories. Which means the fruit of the Spirit isn’t just energizing, but is also perfectly safe for those concerned about their weight.

Yet another reason to choose Christianity over other world religions. Including Buddhism, which is obviously a fatty faith.

Update: The marketer in me can’t help but look at those cans of Jesusade and think of better slogans than “Fused with Fruit of the Spirit.” For instance, I would probably go with a nod to The Jerk…

1 in 3 Trinity Energy Drink: He hates these cans!

The “he” being Satan, of course.