There are some photos that are so jaw-droppingly weird, they don’t really require commentary. But I’m a writer and I can’t help it. Must…be…snarky.

Molly and her poodle, Skipper, thought it was just a harmless, pretty peacock they saw in the woods that day. Unfortunately, they were wrong. It was a deadly peacockupine — an unnatural peacock-porcupine fusion cooked up in some nefarious government lab — and it attacked poor Skipper with a barrage of razor-sharp peacock quills, aimed squarely at the dog’s backside. If not for a burst of inspiration, fueled by Molly’s above-average airbrushing technique and a few tequila shots, Skipper would have ended up looking pretty silly.

When I was 14, my dad used to tell me that spending too much time playing that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles game at the arcade would drive me insane. I used to scoff. Seriously. A love for TMNT driving a person completely crazy? Doubtful.

I think I owe my father an apology.

As a child, Brenda had dreamed of someday having one pet, and one pet only: a dragon. She was devastated when her dad refused to buy her one, resorting to all those ridiculous excuses about its dangerous fire-breathing and tendency to hoard gold and the possibility it might eat her friends. So she got a poodle instead, and for the next decade, resented her dad with the white-hot hatred of a thousand suns. Imagine how horrible she felt years later when, upon opening a beauty/airbrushing salon for pets, she realized she would have been happy enough with a dog that merely looked like a dragon.

Dissatisfied with conventional methods of pet abuse, Molly decided to turn her standard poodle into a chicken. That she was awarded for this act of senseless-yet-creative act of domesticated violence was icing on the cake. Or, as she might have said, “spray-paint on the dog.”

[H/T: @pwinn]

Inexplicably, you can see more photos here. I am not even kidding.