We were fortunate to have Reverend Billy and Savitri Durkee (from the Church of Stop Shopping) as our latest ID Project guest lecturers last week. For anyone not familiar with him, Reverend Billy is on a crusade to show us how corporate consumerism is overwhelming our lives. The Reverend and his congregation are also working to save public spaces from corporate ownership so that we have locations to gather, exchange ideas and build real communities.
What’s most interesting (and scary) to me is how the consumerist ethos seeps into every crevice of our lives. I’m thinking specifically here of romantic/intimate relationships. Increasingly more and more people approach dating in the same way they approach buying a new pair of shoes. From pricey matchmaking services to Web sites promising our perfect mate, we literally pay for intimacy, or the possibility of intimacy. Before we even meet in person, we’re armed with a file on our prospective mate including photos, income level and interests. This sets up expectations. When people diverge from those expectations, we often feel let down. It’s like ordering that dress online that you were sure was going to fit perfectly and then when it arrives…not so much. I think reversing the order of things- knowing about a person, meeting, evaluating as opposed to meeting, getting to know, evaluating has a profound impact on our openness and willingness to give people a chance.

If we ever do find a partner, we’re faced with the ever present worry, however distant, that they (or we) might be tempted to upgrade at some point. Why mend that hole in your pants, when you can buy brand new pants? People, like products, become disposable and replaceable. Some might say that we were never meant to be monogamous to begin with, but I would argue that we’re also seeing a decrease in our attention spans and an increased desire for the diversity that the market offers us. I’ve read studies that prove that when faced with more options, we’re inevitably less satisfied with our choices. Knowing that there exist vast databases of ready and willing potential partners just a click of the mouse away, has an impact on the amount of time and effort we expend on our current partners…or at least that’s my fear. I’m not an online dater myself, but these larger trends worry me. I think especially about young people who are growing up in the age of Facebook and Myspace, obsessively crafting and tinkering with their online personas, which really function as advertisements of sorts.
Reverend Billy calls for a “backing away from the product” and a reconnection with what really matters- love, community and caring. I would agree and add that we also need to back away from the idea of people as products.