Dr. Miles Neale, contemplative psychotherapist, visited the ID Project last Monday. He talked to us about the relationship between meditation and the psychoanalytic method of therapy, but one of the most interesting aspects of the evening for me was the debate that ensued regarding one of the basic foundations of psychoanalysis: the idea that our parents played a major role in shaping us, and that much of our behavior, attitudes, and patterns can be attributed to the way we were raised by our parents.

A few people at the talk raised their concerns about this theory. What about social pressure? Poverty? Racism? Homophobia? Education? Is it really fair to blame the parents for our current shit? Isn’t that taking the lazy way out?

As a former therapy skeptic, I would like to argue the case for why I believe in tracing motivations for our current behavior and processing back to our childhood and our parents (both the “unhealthy” stuff as well as the “healthy”).

I dug up my Developmental Psych textbook for this post. Life-Span Development, by John W. Santrock. Aren’t you lucky? In all seriousness though, I find this truly fascinating, so try to stick with me through the technical mumbo-jumbo if you can.

When a baby is born, his or her brain contains tens of billions of nerve cells, or neurons, which basically transmit information. Brain development continues after birth, through infancy and beyond. The brain develops rapidly during infancy, and neural connections are formed very early in life. Visual connectivity peaks at about a year, auditory and self-regulation after three.

“Neurons change in two very significant ways during the first years of life. First, myelination, the process of encasing axons with fat cells, begins prenatally and continues after birth, even into adolescence. Second, connectivity among neurons increases, creating new pathways….Nearly twice as many of these connections are made as will ever be used. The connections that are used become strengthened and survive, while the unused ones are placed by other pathways and disappear” (Santrock 142).

Researcher Mark Rosenzweig randomly assigned rats and other animals to grow up in different environments. Animals in an enriched early environment lived in cages with stimulating features, such as wheels to rotate, steps to climb…” In contrast, other animals grew up in standard cages or in isolation. The brains of the animals growing up in the “enriched” cages developed better than the others.

In infancy we learn motor skills, interpret sense perceptions, and are very, very curious. Our minds are their most ripe for taking in information about the world around us.

It is true that we are constantly learning throughout our entire lives. As we learn, connections are created between neurons, and the more we practice the things that we learn, the stronger these connections get. So of course it is possible to alter behavior and change over time. There is no solid self. Even scientifically speaking, our physical makeup changes.

The way I interpret this in regards to my parents – it’s not that I blame them for whatever issues I’m currently having in my life. But to be realistic, they were the people who were there the most when my neurons were making these early connections. Sure, I didn’t understand that mommy or daddy had issue X or problem Y or needed to be more Z. But I think the evidence points to the fact that as infants we take in a lot of information, more than we tend to realize, and that the interactions we observe between people begin to be learned starting at a very early age. It isn’t about blame. It’s just the way we learn.

Once we’re old enough and cognizant enough to recognize the way we are interacting emotionally and intellectually with the world, we have to take responsibility for our actions and work through our shit. I just wanted to put all this out there in defense of psychotherapy.

Discuss!