I’m getting married in June. I have therefore been doing a lot of stuff in regards to planning the wedding. However, when it comes down to it, the wedding is one day, and really what I should be preparing for is marriage. Not that I think that much will be different the day after I get married, but I do recognize that “marriages take work” (as everyone keeps telling me).
I don’t view this “work” in a negative way. All relationships require investments of time and energy to function well over time. However, lately I have seen some of my friends’ long-term relationships and marriages fall apart when resentments build up, issues are not talked about or resolved, when individuals lose themselves in their relationships, etc… And obviously, this is something I want to avoid.
But even before my current situation, I have found it interesting to hear from other people what has contributed to the maintenance, evolution, growth of their long term relationship with a significant other.  And with my recent addition of Buddhism and meditation practice in to my life in the last year or so, I became curious as to what marriage advice is given in the Buddhist community. Through my limited googling activity, this is what I found addressed to the husband:
“In five ways, young householder, should a wife as the West be ministered to by a husband:
(i) by being courteous to her,
(ii) by not despising her,
(iii) by being faithful to her,
(iv) by handing over authority to her,
(v) by providing her with adornments.
“The wife thus ministered to as the West by her husband shows her compassion to her husband in five ways:
(i) she performs her duties well,
(ii) she is hospitable to relations and attendant
(iii) she is faithful,
(iv) she protects what he brings,
(v) she is skilled and industrious in discharging her duties.
From The Digha Nikaya 31 (Sigalovada Sutta)
And from AN 8:49, addressing “the Woman of the Home”:
“…when a woman possesses four qualities she is heading for victory in the present world and is successful in this world. What four? Here, Vi??kh?, a woman is capable at her work; she manages her domestic help; she behaves in a way that is agreeable to her husband; and she safeguards his earnings. …When, Vi??kh?, a woman is possesses these four qualities, she is heading for victory in the present world and is successful in this world.”
This advice is clearly from a time when marriage was more gendered than it is now. So it leaves me a bit unsatisfied. How does this advice translate to this day and age? What do you feel that your practice brings to a long-term relationship?