The original threesome of Buddhism: the three jewels

What would Sid do?

Before Siddhartha Gautama attained enlightenment at age 35 he was a
confused twenty and thirty-something looking to learn how to live a
spiritual life. He had an overbearing dad, expectations for what he was
supposed to do
with his life, drinks were flowing, lutes were playing, and the
women were all about him. Some called him L.L. Cool S. I imagine
close friends just referred to him as Sid.

Many people look to Siddhartha as an example of someone who attained nirvana, a buddha. But here we look at a younger Sid
as a confused guy struggling with his daily life. What would he do as a
young person trying to find love, cheap drinks, and fun in a city like
New York? How would he combine Buddhism and dating? We all make mistakes on our spiritual journey; here is where
they’re discussed.

Each week I’ll take on a new question and
give some advice based on what I think Sid, a confused guy working on
his spiritual life in a world of major distraction, would do. Because
let’s face it, you and I are Sid.

Have a question for this weekly column? E-mail it here and Lodro will probably get to it!

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Q: I came home the other night to my two-bedroom flat.  I made a bowl of
cereal and headed to my bedroom to meditate before bedtime, and I could
hear my roommate (male) having very loud sex with his new girlfriend. 
I thought, “This will be a test to see if I can stay concentrated.” 
Well, about 5 minutes into my meditation there’s a knock at my door,
and it’s my roommate with his girlfriend and they both come in naked
and want to know if I’ll join them.  I’m a girl and have been with
other girls in the past, and my roommate’s girlfriend is super hot.  I
need to know what Sid would do in this situation.  Would he finish
meditating and then view a nice shag as compassion?  Help!!!! – signed, Pam

Hi Pam. Thanks for the question. I’m sorry this post is a week too late for your scenario at hand (maybe we need a WWSD hotline?) but I’m going to try to address this question none-the-less.

Sid did have threesomes. It’s actually historically recorded. For a fun commentary on that check out Brad Warner’s “Who Would Buddha Fuck” where he insists that Sid “was the Gene Simmons of the spiritual scene.” However, it’s worth making a clear distinction here between Palace Sid and Seeking Enlightenment Sid.

Palace Sid was a guy who lived in a palace. He was surrounded by lots of distractions to ensure that he would never have to think of life beyond the palace walls, of suffering of any kind, and certainly not live a life devoted to the spiritual benefit of others.

Seeking Enlightenment Sid popped out of that palace for a bit and saw suffering first-hand. His jaw dropped and he realized he had to do something about all this sickness, old age, and death. He was motivated to leave the palace, go out into the world, and pursue meditation.

When I refer to Sid on this blog I’m talking about that second Sid, the one who, like you and me, has realized that there is great suffering in the world and is motivated to work with his own mind to seek enlightenment and try and help others.

That Sid, the Seeking Enlightenment Sid, would definitely eat some cereal because cereal is awesome, and definitely make time for his meditation practice before bed, but would not interrupt his session to go have sex. Sid was pretty driven in his commitment to his daily practice and that’s something we can all emulate.

Still, as the 11th century meditation master Atisha stated, “Whatever you meet unexpectedly, join with meditation.” So when unexpectedly met with two naked people in your bedroom what would Sid do to bring it to his spiritual path?

I think he would weigh the pros and cons of the situation, consider whether he was going to cause harm by engaging it, and if so politely decline the invitation and return to his meditation practice. Now I don’t know anything about your relationship with your roommate or his relationship with his girlfriend so I can’t definitively say “Yes this is harmful don’t do it.”

You wrote, “Would he finish
meditating and then view a nice shag as compassion?” I would like to ask you in return,
what is compassionate about it? If this is an act that would somehow be of benefit to all parties and you feel really sure about that then I can’t fault you for going for it.

However, relationships are rife with jealousy. Bringing another person into the bedroom is likely to stir that up for one or both parties. Similarly, having sex with your roommate might make it a very awkward living situation for you, particularly if one of you doesn’t enjoy the experience. You’re walking a very complicated tightrope and it would be very easy to fall into the realms of hurting yourself or others for a quick fix of pleasure. As such I would advise against it.

I would actually say the same rules apply for one-night stands in general. I’m not one for saying a blanket “no” against them but think that it’s very hard to have somewhat random sex without someone thinking it’s a mistake. As I mentioned in last week’s post I’m all for people having sex but even safe, consensual, highly awesome sex can lead to broken hearts and STDs. Best thing to do is have lots of communication around this tricky area so that both/all parties know what’s up and are on the same wavelength.

Since I don’t know all the details of the various relationships I’m going to have to lean on the conservative side and say that Sid would not have a threesome with your roommate. He’d definitely finish the meditation session though. And maybe have another bowl of cereal. In fact, all this writing has gotten me hungry too; I’m gonna go have a bowl right now.