CHEWING THE FAT: Sandy D. writes, “…. there are a lot of us that are having problems with food at family gatherings. Family seems to get hurt feelings when people bring their “own food” or decline food that is prepared. Also, a lot of family visits are totally centered on food, either at big meals at home or going out to eat. Do you have any words of inspiration to help us get through these family visits without losing our Want Power?”

Dear Sandy, friends of Sandy, family of Sandy, all Tushkateers and their families, as well.   I am going to answer part A of Sandy’s question this week; and then part B of Sandy’s question next week.  Lest, this e-letter turns into a book.  PART A:  How to avoid/deal with HURT FEELINGS at your mother/sister/cousin’s dinner table!

Here is what you do!

1. ISSUE AN ADVANCE THANK YOU. As soon as you are invited to an event, gathering, call the host/hostess and thank them in advance for their support. Tell them that you have made some lifestyle changes and that you are now fully committed to living a healthy lifestyle. And again, be clear that you need their support and thank them for their understanding. Let them know if you are bringing food in advance and/or the parameters of what you will and will not eat.

2. FULLY COMMITTED. You cannot be half in and half out. You cannot present a ‘healthy front’ on Tuesday but come Friday say, oh what the heck.  If you are not consistent in message and action, friends and family will not believe you and – even worse – you will not believe you! THAT is a sad state of affairs.  Fully commit to yourself.

3 COMMUNICATE INTENTION (AGAIN.)  If your requests for support/help are not met, if your people will not give you what you need or want, then ask yourself if you have communicated in an effective way.  Were you clear?  Did you skirt the issue or were you to the point?   Is there another way that you can word your request/statement about healthy living?  You can also ask your people, “How can I say this to you so that you understand and support me?”   I’m going to say it again; you cannot ask people for support if you are half in and half out.

5. THEY ARE ANGRY … AND?  If all else fails and your friends and family insist upon being angry, let them be angry.  Don’t participate in it.   Don’t accept delivery of the guilt trip.  They’re going to get over it far sooner than you are going to get over feeling badly that you betrayed yourself.   They are going to get over it; but you’re left with extra pounds, an unhealthy heart, the risk of diabetes and more.

6. THEY ARE HURT … AND?   Okay, so they’re hurt that you won’t eat what you said you wouldn’t eat. (Remember, you’ve told them in advance.) You didn’t do anything BAD. You are not at fault. There is nothing wrong with being healthy!!! Tell them again that you need their support and help.

7. WHO IS STOPPING YOU? Okay, I am going hardcore on you now. Are you ready? Brace yourself. YOUR FRIENDS n’ FAMILY aren’t stopping you.   Who is stopping you?

8. YOUR PERSPECTIVE. If you can’t articulate what you want and need to your friends and family, if your want power muscle isn’t strong enough to stand up for what you need and want … then you might want to think about making an appointment with me (or another coach) – someone you feel comfortable with to discuss how you are seeing this.     If you are the kind of person (I definitely used to be; I was!) who will go 180 degrees out of their way to avoid a confrontation, then you might benefit from some ‘confidence coaching.’  (FYI, 180 degrees is the number; not 360 degrees.  360 degrees is a full circle and you are back where you started.)

9. EASY? No one said this would be easy.  Taking a stand takes courage. It may look like it’s insurmountable; an impossible task, but it’s not. Taking a STAND is an empowering habit worth installing! Get your courage on!

I hope that wasn’t too harsh. If you want to change, then you have to change!

Here are some questions for you to chew on and think about.  You don’t need to answer them right now.  Let them percolate.  What does it look like to be fully committed to living a new/healthy lifestyle?  (start w. the food part of it; for this week, anyway).   What’s stopping you?  Who’s stopping you? 

Here’s another quote that I just love. Try it on for size.

Am I willing to give up what I have in order to be what I am not yet? Am I able to follow the spirit of love into the desert? It is a frightening and sacred moment. There is no return. One’s life is changed forever. It is the fire that gives us our shape. ~ Mary Richards (not the TV Mary richards:)

Jump into the fire; change your shape. Seriously! ~

Whew! I was fired up! I still am.  Tell me this? What kind of crazy world do we live in where people are upset because we want to be healthy?!  YOU be the change.  YOU set the example.  YOU be a leader.

NOW (whew! I’m ready to calm down) …  for more inspired weight loss wisdom, if you missed my last week’s BELIEFNET posts, here are a few links to the best of the week. BTW, everyone (yes! everyone!) says that the jigsaw puzzles are addictive!  Deliciously addictive!

GET JIGGY JIGSAW PUZZLE – Install Empowering Habits. These are not just positive habits, they are EMPOWERING habits!!! Name three habits that empower!

7 SECRET STRATEGIES: End Painful Planning – Planning? What is it good for? Absolutely everything! Yet, we resist.

DYSFUNCTIONAL CHEF – Orange Poached Apples – Cheap, plentiful and healthy, apples are in season! Today’s Dysfunctional Chef’s Cheap n’ Healthy Eat, showcases the Winesaps, a tart and tasty apple.