Look around. We seem to be awash in prophets these days.

Some blast their “prophetic” gifts from the proverbial “Brother Love’s Travelin’ Salvation Show” type crusades in arenas or megachurches, making sure they capture it all for television followers ready to send in their tithes and offerings.

Unfortunately, we know these types too well. Blessed wallets, handerkerchiefs, prayer rugs, etc. (for a donation to the “ministry”), fake healings and mowing down their critics with “holyghost machine guns“ or the latest investment schemes guaranteed by God. Greed, the age-old love of illusion and magic, and the honest desire for something spiritually “real” all combine to keep the charlatans fat, happy and well-stocked with rambling estates, private jets and luxury automobiles.

Then, there are the prophets for whom wealth isn’t enough. Speaking in the name of heaven, or even purporting to be God’s personal mouthpiece, they rule their followers with an iron, ecclesiastical grip — and sexually abuse their followers and even their flock’s children.

Sadly, such creatures are too many to list, but citing a couple of the most recent examples should serve as fresh reminders of guarding your reason — and soul — while exercising your faith.

It is on the fringe of any religion, but I speak primarily here of those at least nominally Christian, where the supposed mantle of prophecy seems most often to spiral downward to leaders who deem themselves above the law — not just those of society, but often even excusing themselves from the tenets they insist their own people must follow.

Consider a case now playing out in a Texas courtroom, that of Warren Jeffs. He is the self-proclaimed “prophet” of a polygamous sect originating in a tight-knit community straddling the Utah-Arizona border. Accused of  “marrying” and having sex with under-aged girls, Jeffs — who fired his lawyers to defend himself — has declared himself God’s own voice in warning prosecutors and the court to halt proceedings against him or face divine wrath and doom.

The judge was not impressed, told him to knock it off, and continued his trial. As of this writing, the courthouse — the judge and the prosecutors — were all still standing, untouched by fire and brimstone . . . and Jeffs remained behind bars.
If the allegations against him lead to conviction, this prophet will be doing his prophecizing from a Texas prison cell for a long time to come.

Maybe, then, he could be a pen pal with Wayne Bent, another self-proclaimed Voice of God.

Bent is in a New Mexico prison after — you guessed it — being convicted of criminal sexual contact with a minor (the daughter of one of his The Lord Our Righteousness Church families). Last month, the New Mexico Court of Appeals overturned Bent’s conviction on a technicality, but he remains behind bars while state prosecutors challenges that ruling.

It would be downright entertaining to have these two “prophets” share the same cell. Yep, could be a literal Prophet Cage Fight, each calling down wrath and judgment on the other.

But my money would be on Bent. You see, he has gone Jeffs one better, playing the Ace of modern-day prophets by proclaiming: “I am the embodiment of God. I am divinity and humanity combined.” And there are hundreds of people who believe both of these guys are, indeed, just who they claim to be.

Makes me think of another famous huckster, P.T. Barnum, the 19th century showman who supposedly declared, “There’s a sucker born every minute.”

Barnum could make a mint displaying these two, right next to the bearded ladies, dog-faced boy and Tom Thumb, the world’s smallest man.

Then again, while current events, Jeffs and Bent are hardly alone in their claims to be of divine purpose or substance. There have been at least dozens who have made a stir in the past century or so alone, and likely there are many more pretenders to the throne of heaven just haven’t come to the attention of the courts or press — yet.