According to Christian talk radio host Harold Camping, the so-called “Rapture” is supposed to take place today at 6 P.M. within one’s own time zone.

New Zealand just called. No Christians were sucked out of their cars, homes, etc. and taken to heaven. Fail.

Mr. Camping shouldn’t feel bad though. Many people across other faiths have predicted the “end of days” according to some hidden code within their holy books. And if Christians are a little down that Jesus didn’t show, don’t worry, we still have the December 21st, 2012 “prophecy” to look forward to.

Honestly though, I’m glad the Rapture didn’t go down. Some of my atheist friends had all sorts of plans in the event of 1.something billion Christians evacuating existence. These plans included post-Rapture looting, BBQ’s, and block parties. I was invited to a few. They would have been off the hook. Here’s the thing though: I’ve got some really good Christian friends who aren’t wack jobs, my wife and kids included.

Plus, if the Rapture had happened, Project Conversion would be kinda useless.

But I have a theory–from a Buddhist angle–as to why it seems like the Rapture failed. What if the Christians, in a dramatic play of irony, so loved the world that they gave up their own deliverance?

There is a similar concept in the Mahayana tradition of Buddhism. A figure called a bodhisattva is person who has attained Enlightenment, however when the times comes for them to enter Nirvana at their death, they are filled with so much compassion for humanity that they decide to return to earth reborn as a human.

"I gave up Nirvana for you people and all I get is this bright light and a slap on the ass?!"

Followers of the Mahayana tradition assert that the Buddha himself was born many times in past lives as a bodhisattva and thus wish to follow his own example. The point is to relinquish Nirvana until all sentient life reaches Enlightenment. That is why the Mahayana school is called the “Greater Vehicle,” simply because more folks come along to Nirvana. In contrast, the Theravada school is called the “Lesser Vehicle,” because the focus is on the individual’s quest to reach Enlightenment. So one is a school bus while the other is a scooter.

 
So here’s my conspiracy theory: All the Christians got together in some secret interwebs chat room or something and said hey, we’re supposed to have compassion and the love of Christ for the heathen of the world. We already know our Salvation is assured though the blood of Jesus. Why not forego that soul vacuum called the Rapture and stick around to continue spreading the Good News of Jesus Christ?
 
Wow! Thanks Christians! So no wonder the “second coming” predictions of the last 2,000 years have all failed. It wasn’t because some kooky Christian was wrong, it’s because Christians throughout history have asked Jesus for an extension whenever he came to collect. These folks have been selfless all along. Christians kindly reminded their lord and savior that “Hey pal. You told us to go throughout the world and preach the Gospel. And to love our neighbor as ourselves.” Thus, they’ve refused Jesus’ advances time and again.
 
See? Doesn’t that sound better? So before we jump the world-wide bandwagon making fun of Christians, let’s take a moment and think about what’s really happening: millions of people going “run-away bride” on Jesus, all because they still have some living and soul-saving to do.
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