The X Factor Week 2 Auditions Part 3 recap, September 28, 2011.

The show begins with some clips from last show and previews to this one. For some, “it’s time to face the music” as Simon delivers another one of his trademark put-downs. We begin tonight in Windy City, which turns out to be Rainy City.

I’m singing in the rain, Just singing in the rain, What a glorious feelin’, I’m happy again.

We’re reintroduced to the judges and Cheryl Cole suddenly reappears for the Chicago auditions. Actually, Cheryl was replaced by Nicole, who we saw in part two, and they’re showing these auditions out of sequence. Why is that? It’s rather confusing and those of you viewers not in the know still have to wonder whether it’s Cheryl or Nicole who will be on as a judge for the rest of the season. (It’s Nicole the rest of the way.)

The first inside look goes to singing partners Brock and Makenna from Springfield, Missouri. He’s 18 and she’s 22 and they’ve been singing together for four years. They’re not boyfriend/girlfriend yet, but Brock says that when he thinks about Makenna, his heart just kind of jumps out of his chest. “I love her, but she doesn’t know it… she’ll learn, she’ll learn,” he adds. They hit the stage with Colder Weather by the Zac Brown Band. They’re good. You can tell they’ve spent some time together. The fans love it, L. A. Reid says they made his day. Simon says he’s not normally a fan of this kind of stuff, but their voice is sensational.

Next up is Kim Terek, 35, who says that she has ten years of voice lessons. Simon looks skeptical and asks her why she doesn’t have a deal and she replies that she hasn’t tried pop music. And now she’s going to try it? Good luck. She sings Katy Perry’s Firework and totally howls it. Simon says it was like two people singing at the same time. Then it’s Tim Quinn who attempts Seal’s Kiss From a Rose, although Simon recommended against it. After a couple of lines, he’s cut off and sent packing. Then it’s Robin Renee Royal, 45. She is dressed in what appears to be a 2-piece bikini, see-through long lace blouse, fishnets and high-heel boots, all in black except the bright red accentuating the bikini bra top and boot trim. She attempts Jordan Taylor’s You Make Me Mad. Yeah, she’ll make me mad with that voice of hers. Ouch! “What the bloody hell was that?” Simon retorts. Off she goes. And several other rejects go after her.

Then we get Charlesia Heard, a 45-year old shuttle bus driver, who says she came to audition for being a judge. Simon tells her that she’s about six months too late. You’d think a bus driver would be more punctual, yeah? As far as judging goes, “there’s trashy and classy”, she explains. Simon tells her no for now (and forever).

We get a look at Skyler Anderson, 16, from Southhaven, Mississippi, who wants to be one of the few black country singers. He sings Billy Currington’s Must be Doin’ Something Right. He’s nailing it in the first few lines, then suddenly the music cuts off, but without a judge’s signal. Skyler waits a few moments and then goes right on with it and Paula says yeah, keep right on going, liking it. Paula starts clapping, leading the audience into a clapping accompaniment. Skyler shines, even without the background music. Simon halts him with a thumbs up, smiling, and Skyler gets four yes’s.

J. Mark Inman, 31, a philosophy grad studying in Europe, is next up. He sees his “life as more as an algorithm that is more in tune, like an algorithm for pi, where it’s irrational in a certain respect.” His formula for success is “J + Mark + X + Factor = 5,000,000 dollars.” Uh, oh, it seems we’re about to get divided by zero. (That’s “undefined” in mathematical terms.) He attempts Radiohead’s Creep, doing some pretty bizarre foot moon shuffles and other weird robotic moves on stage. The crowd cheers when he hits the line, But I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo… and he’s playing — and singing — the role perfectly. Even Simon has to smile at this point. Paula says that was “definitely in a different jurisdiction, for sure, I think I’ve visited there once or twice in my life.” How trippy. L. A. says “it sounded so bad, but it felt so good.” Simon says they should just vote and tells Paula to vote. Yes, yes, yes quickly down the line and Simon just looks at the other three a with look of chagrin.

Then come a succession of clips of the real weirdos, making you wonder why they’re even here except to catch five seconds of TV screen fame or shame. Simon comments during a break that he thinks they’ve all gone to “La-la Land” under the influence of Paula.

After the commercial break is short clip of Arin Ray, 15, who gets the nod. Then it’s dumpster discard dressed Josh Krajcik, 30. from Columbus, Ohio, who drove to Chicago with his mom. He looks like he just got out of bed with his clothes still on. He attempts At Last by Etta James. He looks like total fail, but his voice is spot on with a clear vibrato that has the crowd erupting into cheers. Then he intensely belts out a couple of lines, almost growling, not skipping a beat or missing a note. In short, he totally nailed it with the crowd and the judges, Simon giving him “3,335 yes’s”. He’s going to keep the wardrobe crew busy, that’s for sure.

Now on that high note, we’re off to Seattle, Washington for the next round of auditions. It’s back to Nicole judging, having taken over Cheryl Cole’s spot.

We start with mother and daughter Sheree and Darwin Reading, calling themselves “The Good Girls”. Darwin studied in China and can speak Mandarin and mom Sheree is a former hippie and coffeehouse singer. It’s hard to tell them apart age-wise and even Simon says to Sheree, “So you’re the mother.” Good heavens, we find out they’re 70 and 31 years old! They attempt What’s Going On by Marvin Gaye and they’re both off-key and asynchronous. Paula cuts them off and Simon tells them that they’re the “worst group I’ve ever heard in my life.” It’s three no’s even before it gets to Simon. Sheree thinks the audience liked to hear them sing. Maybe they’ll have better luck in China.

Next up is Drew Ryniewicz, 14, a self-professed Justin Bieber freak from Chino Valley, Arizona. Characteristically, she sings Baby by Justin Bieber (and you’d think she’d want to have one by him, too!). She sings it fairly well for a young teenage gal and the judges smile. Her voice is sweet, clear and distinctive, on note, but could use a little polishing. The crowd cheers when she finishes the song and the judges join them in the applause. Nicole says she’s a Bieber fan and liked Drew’s version… better! Simon says this is what they’re looking for from fourteen-year olds in the competition, and it’s four yes’s down the line.

We return from a commercial break with Jada, four gals ages 24-31, who quickly get sent packing. Then it’s Peet Montzingo. His mom is four feet tall and his stoic looking dad is the second tallest dwarf in the world. He wants to be a teen heartthrob, even though he’s 21. He sings Billionaire by Bruno Mars, but replacing the word ‘Billionaire’ with ‘Famous’. Nice try, but no cigar, with his untrained voice. The judges liked his honesty and charm, but they didn’t think his voice meets the bar. They says he’s got one half of it (the ambition and charm), but needs the other half (the voice) and encourage him to keep at it as they send him off.

Next up are 4Shore, a group of guys from Virginia Beach, Darius, Brandon, Allen, and Jesse. They sing End of the Road by Boyz II Men, written by L. A. Reid himself. They launch into song with a very polished, harmonic performance and L. A. is totally loving it and the crowd gets into it. The judges give them a tongue bath and it’s four yes’s down the line. These guys are clearly future favorites.

Then it’s Elaine Gibbs, 53, a grandmother and wedding singer. She belts out You’ve Got a Friend with the polished élan of an experienced, well-training and practiced singer. The judges love her and she easily gets four yes’s down the line. Next up is Francesca Duncan, 17, just out of high school. She sings Mariah Caray’s Hero in a pleasing soft toned and melodic voice and the judges quickly see her through with a round of yes’s.

Following this are clips of several more auditions that make the cut, including Tiger Budbill, 42, a wedding DJ who’s got a voice indeed. He barely makes the cut when L. A. Reid says ‘no’ and the vote goes to Simon who tells him that “it’s your lucky day” with the majority yes vote.

The spotlight moves to Phillip Lomax, 21, from Seattle who sings Fly Me to the Moon. He’s got that old-time big band swing and sound to him that moves right along in rhythm, not skipping a beat. The crowd gets into it and so does he, running across half the stage and into a long foot slide. Vocally, he’s not the best we’ve heard, but he’s quite entertaining. The crowd goes nuts. Simon says he has self-belief and charisma, although he has trouble with his voice when he pushes it. Simon says his voice is way off winning, but he’s still going to say yes. With a bit of vocal training and practice, this guy could go places. We’ll see.

Then we go through a series of rejects that has Simon coining the phrase for the day, “D.O.A.”, personified by three sisters who call themselves the Pink Stilettos. A girl, Ivana, comes on and gets outstaged by Nicole after Simon says that Ivana sounds like he’d imagine that Nicole would sound in her first audition. Ivana isn’t amused.

The last audition for the night is Tiah Tolliver, 19, a bright red lipsticked deli clerk with a huge, infectious smile. As in huge, huge. She sings Impossible by Shontelle a capella but she shouts it out, one line quickly after another. She has a strong voice, but it’s hard to place the notes without a key. L. A. doesn’t like the a capella performance although he likes her spirit. Simon jumps in and says “I’ve got a real feeling about this girl.” “You love her?” L. A. asks Simon and Simon replies, “This girl is potentially great” to the cheer of the crowd. Nicole and Paula complain that she can’t sing in key without a track.

It turns into an argument between the gals and Simon who says Tiah was DOA from the moment she walked in because of Nicole and Paula’s constant criticism of the girls who have auditioned. Simon calls for a vote and gives Tiah a 100% yes and passes it to L. A. who says both he and Simon have signed a lot of artists and he’s going to go along with Simon with a yes. Nicole says no and Simon is miffed. It’s up to Paula, who after a long pause says… “No.” The crowd boos. Now, Simon is really angry, throwing a wad of paper on the stage, saying, “Tiah, I’m sorry. This is insane. Seriously insane.” L. A. now jumps in and asks Tiah, “Is there anything you can do to turn their no into a yes?” She gets a second chance! (After this commercial break.)

We’re back with Tiah for her second performance to sway Paula and/or Nicole. She launches into a Do Wop song, giving it all she’s got. Yup, she’s good. Simon says, “Paula, Nicole, I am begging you here.” Wow, when have we ever seen Simon beg before? The crowd goes nuts and cheers for Tiah. Nicole caves in and says she wants Tiah to work on her vocals and will give her another chance. “I’ve never felt so strongly,” Simon concludes.

Tomorrow night is the last of the auditions, so stay tuned, folks!

Do wop, do wop, do wop!