Updated to add for all the Oh the Joy readers: no, I don’t think it’s a sin to poop or to have a butt, I also don’t think it’s a sin to reference them on a blog. I also don’t think it’s a sin to make up songs about poop or to play in your poop or to reference when your kid does those things. That you even think I would is silly and shows you how ignorant you are about Christianity and how alien Christians have become to our society. I have an update to this post here.
The other day I was over at Oh the Joy, which I like to read even though she has a lot (quite a lot) of poop and butt references and she was writing about trying not to swear in front of her kid and was looking for something to say when she’s yelling at the other drivers. I usually say things like “shoot puppies” and “crap doodle” (because even crap is considered a swear word in our house and I forget and say it anyway and have to modify it quickly before I get in trouble) but I had a brilliant idea this morning, I think that I will instead say “bleep,” it sounds so much more mature and you only have to remember one word, “bleep” and then just say it in it’s appropriate conjugation. A demonstration:
A man cuts me off in traffic causing me to slam on the breaks and Samantha to drop her DVD player and Sarah to look up from her book.
Me: “You bleeping, bleep moron! Why don’t you bleeping look where you’re going. Move your bleeping car out of bleeping way so that I can bleeping get these girls to school”
The beauty of this word is its simplicity, you can’t always switch gears from the words that pop into your head and a cute phrases like “Chicken in a Biscuit” and “Sweet Fancy Moses On Buttered Toast” which were some of the suggestions. But this word is short and one we already associate with censoring.
I have to admit I got this idea from Hell’s Kitchen. The thing I love about Hell’s Kitchen is that they bleep all the swear words but what you’re left with is only bits and pieces of sentences because Chef Ramsey is a hot head and swears all the time, so it sounds a lot like this “Get your bleeping bleep back there and do your bleeping bleep job.”
Samantha and I like to mock it:
Me: “Get out of my bleeping face you bleeping bleep or I will bleeping bleep you.”
Samantha: “And bleeping bleep the bleep or McDonald’s!”
I guess I won’t be winning the Christian parent of the year award. I do use the show to teach valuable lessons like, what happens when you lose your temper and how hard it would be to work with someone like that.