So, I’m watching one of the morning talk shows and they have a segment on Hallmark’s cancer cards which were introduced in February. This was the first time I heard about them and I’m glad no one has sent me any because I would have been upset to get one. They said that they created them because people had a hard time knowing what to say:

“They said, ‘I don’t know what to say during a difficult time, so I don’t say anything at all,’ ” Steffens said. “So again there’s an opportunity there to help them talk through these tough situations that they’re dealing with, and to foster that communication.”

Good! You should have a hard time saying something because cancer is such a devastating disease that changes a person’s life, it should be hard to be comforting or reassuring. Giving me a card with a cute rhyme doesn’t do much to encourage me as I try to get through this ordeal:

“Cancer is a villain who doesn’t play fair … but it can’t dim your spirit, and it can’t silence prayer.”

Yeah, it can dim my spirit, it has many times. Just this Monday while I was lying in pain from my neulasta shot and exhausted from the chemo, my spirit was pretty dim. I was ready to quit. That pain lasted until this morning. How do you give a cheery card to someone going through that?
If you want to say something (and you really should because it can be hurtful if people ignore the pain that you’re going through), just tell them that you’re thinking of them and praying (if you pray) for them and are available to help or talk if needed. That’s all you have to do because you have no idea how the person is going to react to cancer and how overwhelming it can be.
If you’d like some idea of what they’re going through, here’s a book that a friend of mine gave me when I was first diagnosed with cancer which is pretty close to my experience. A friend with cancer had recommended it to her but when I first looked at it I thought it was a ripoff because it only had one thought per page but it does make it easier to read when you have chemo head 🙂 and it does give you some idea what to expect when you have cancer. It’s generalized because everyone’s experience is different. Some people can work after they get chemo and then there are people like me who hit the couch for almost a week after they get chemo. Everyone is different and you should remember that when you try to express yourself to your friend or family member. A generalized card isn’t going to cut it.
BTW, those of us who have cancer (or any kind of life altering illness) know that it’s hard to find the right thing to say because we’ve been in these situations ourselves. I told my grandma the same thing that my pastor told me, nice hair style (it was a wig). We understand that you love us and want to encourage us, so don’t sweat what to say. Just say something.