Not surprised at all that gay marriage was defeated in NY. I knew that there would be strong opposition from upstate New York:

The 38-to-24 vote startled proponents of the bill and signaled that political momentum, at least right now, had shifted against same-sex marriage, even in heavily Democratic New York. It followed more than a year of lobbying by gay rights organizations, who steered close to $1 million into New York legislative races to boost support for the measure.
[…]
The defeat revealed stark divides: All 30 of the Republican senators opposed the bill, as did most of the members from upstate New York and Long Island. Support was heaviest among members from New York City and Westchester County and among the Senate’s 10 black members. Seven of the Senate’s 10 women voted for it.

Look for some pretty bloody primary races as gays fund challengers to the Democrats who voted against the bill. Supporters pushed for a vote so they could see who they would be targeting in 2010. It’s telling though that the senators know it’s safer to vote “no.”
I think what the supporters of gay marriage should do is attack the problem incrementally (the way that the proponents of single payer are doing with health care legislation), they should press the gay marriage supporters in the senate to pass legislation that sets up civil unions. Then after a couple years they should press for marriage with the assertion that civil unions create a two tiered system that’s discriminatory.