Now, imagine the Senior Analyst on NPR’s All Things Religious:

SA:
“I mean, look, Bill, I’m not a bigot. You know the kind of writing I’ve
done over the years about religious pluralism. But…

when
I run into a guy in a Roman collar and I think, you know, he’s
identifying himself first and foremost as a Catholic priest, I get
worried. I get nervous, thinking about all those altar boys;

and
when a couple of clean-cut young men come to my door and ask what I know
about the LDS Church, I think, you know, they’re identifying themselves
first and foremost as Mormons. I get worried. I get nervous, if my
daughters are in the house;

and when I see some kids chanting
“Hare Krishna” on a street corner and I think, you know, they’re
identifying themselves first and foremost as Hare Krishnas, I get
worried. I get nervous, thinking about the brainwashing that cults do;

and
when a bearded guy in a turban walks past me and I think, you know,
he’s identifying himself first and foremost as a Sikh, I get worried. I
get nervous, thinking about that sword he’s carrying on his person.

and when two nicely dressed black ladies come to my door with copies of The Watchtower
and I think, you know, they’re identifying themselves first and
foremost as Jehovah’s Witnesses, I get worried. I get nervous, thinking
about how they’ve got sick kids at home who will die because they won’t
get to see a doctor;

and when I overtake a buggy driving through Lancaster County and I
think, you know, the driver is identifying himself first and foremost as
Amish, I get worried. I get nervous, thinking about how I’m going to
avoid hitting the sucker;

and when I pass a bunch of beards in black suits and fedoras walking into a shul and
I think, you know, they’re identifying themselves first and foremost as
Hasids, I get pissed off, thinking why don’t these jokers do some
honest work for a change.

Of course, those are
nothing more than my involuntary reactions. Sharing them with your
viewers naturally won’t hurt my credibility as a religion analyst, will
it, Bill?”