Yesterday my Mom and Dad took my kids, hubby, and I, along with my daughter’s boyfriend, my sister and her husband, up to New York City to see the Christmas Show at Radio City Music Hall. Kids loved the LEGOS store and the girls loved Sephora. I even got a Vegan dinner at John’s on 12th St. in East Village.

As we tried to depart the city, chaos ensued and we couldn’t get out of the city for hours. We drove around in the SUV limo we had rented to accommodate the 12 of us, just praying for safety. We encountered the protesters on different streets. They pounded on our vehicle as they passed us. We sat there in traffic and the vehicle kept stalling out, just to add to the drama.

I prayed for peace. I prayed for our safety. I prayed for the police on the street. I prayed for the protesters. I prayed for the world. Racism is a lower vibration. The anger that was palpable in the air was toxic as well. I had to hold my center and connect with God. I had to literally be peace as the helicopters flew ahead and I could hear angry voices behind us chanting. I was planning on what to do if they tried to surround us or all the other Mama fears were popping into my head. My heart pounded in my chest. I was honestly more sympathetic to protesters before yesterday. As most people know I’m a fiery pacifist who looks to understand others viewpoints. I have been leading a wonderful life and so I can’t judge those who have had a tougher time than me. I am white, so I haven’t a clue what it is like to experience racism. It is disgusting to me. I am about love. Last night, my Mama heart was in turmoil though and I was mad at the protesters. We teach equality in our home and while I believe 100% in free speech, I’m human and I would do anything to protect my children.

My heart went out to Eric Garner and I don’t care if he was a thug or any of that. The story sent chills through my body. I value life and I know certain cases are complicated, but still this is not right. “I can’t breathe” is an eerie chant to hear and I could feel it. I couldn’t breathe last night either as I truly feared for our safety. I was so beyond grateful to be home five hours later. I thought of the cops and how scary it must be on a night like last night. I thought of the moms who have lost their children to violence. I thought of all the places in the world in civil unrest. I felt compassion for all, even though who might want to do harm. I sent them peace. I told God to take me if one had to go. I got a…”No, do your job here and pray. Be peace, send the highest amount of love you can. You feel it all and it’s painful at times. Rise above it. Be the peace. See a peaceful world.”

Peace and resolutions. I chanted prayers and words in my head sending them out to the world. I felt peace come over me as my body was still tense as I held my breath, but panic had left. I wish peace to all. There has to be a different way than all of this.

Awareness about other people’s experience creates actual freedom within, versus judgement which is restriction. It cuts off our own good, our own connection. Also know that being unhappy because someone else is unhappy doesn’t make anyone happy.   I know this is a catalyst for good somehow. No one dies in vain. EVERY single life has equal value.  The media loves to divide us and create fear. Change the channel, don’t feed the beast.  Seek to have conversations, open your mind, and spread good stuff in the world.  The protesters were frustrated, but they were not creating peace. My youngest boys are afraid of the city now. That is not what I want them to think of New York City. I don’t make up laws nor am I in charge of anything but me. So I will write, coach, teach, and create my vibration continually as I tune into peace. Prayer is power.  I am love. Even when it’s messy love, I am love, that’s why I can love my enemies. (not that I think they are to me).  I saw that peace and resolution is natural. It is natural to me. Fear and anger seem natural because we feel them as a reaction. I don’t believe in those when I choose not too. As someone who has suffered panic attacks in the past, I was glad I knew I had the tools within.  A build-up of massive negative energy must change or it will explode.   It the midst of all of that last night, I realized at one point, I was there for a reason. I was there to transmute some energy. Many will not understand that, but it’s my truth. We are all here for some point.  Be a point of peace, a beacon of light, a transmitter of love.  What else is possible?  How much good can we see?  How much love is on the rise?

“Let there be peace on earth
And let it begin with me.
Let there be peace on earth
The peace that was meant to be.
With God as our father
Brothers all are we.
Let me walk with my brother
In perfect harmony.

Let peace begin with me
Let this be the moment now.
With every step i take
Let this be my solemn vow.
To take each moment
And live each moment
With peace eternally.
Let there be peace on earth,
And let it begin with me.”

-Let there be peace on Earth and let it begin with me (The words were written by Jill Jackson and the music was written by Sy Miller)