Setting boundaries and saying no has never been my strong suit.  My mid-thirties have made it abundantly clear I need to.  I’m learning how to do it assertively.  How many women can relate to this?

I just posted something on Facebook that some probably sounded mean to some people.  It was not my intention. It was about how I roll.  It was about social media etiquette.  It was sassy and to the point.  Men never come off as mean saying no or setting boundaries.  They just say no.  No hesitation.  No drama.  No guilt.  They just say no because it doesn’t’ work for them, they don’t want to, in fact they don’t even feel like they need to give a reason.

My husband has taught me so much about this.  Feeling guilty because you literally can’t do something for someone was alien to him.  In my twenties, I would look at him and think he’s so much happier because he sets boundaries and doesn’t worry what people think.  I was a people pleaser who constantly felt drained.  I would feel depleted of energy if I said no because I was afraid people wouldn’t like me anymore or think I was selfish.   Who even knows what I was thinking anymore?  I was assuming a lot of what was in other people’s minds.  If I did commit to something that I didn’t want to do, or that put too much on my plate, I felt awful.  My intuition was trying to tell me to follow my own inner guidance, but I was putting others’ opinions above my own, by worrying about them.

I am now an author, blogger, inspirational speaker, and I have five kids.  In getting my career going here, it has never been more clear to me to be CLEAR.  I must be clear with myself and others on what works for me and what doesn’t.   I’ve observed other women, I see some do it aggressively and some do it tactfully, where it even seems sweet.  I want it to feel light and effortless, not like I’m slapping people in the face with my truth.  How others feel about what my feelings are is none of my business though.  They’re entitled to feel mad or like I “should” do something even if I don’t feel obligated to.  I know letting go of expectations of others is so freeing.  These are the things I want to teach my children.  Setting boundaries and being intentional with your life is self-love to the MAX.  CEO’s of companies have to know what their vision is and what they want.  Wishy-washy doesn’t work when you’re building a brand.  I’m making it my mission to teach women self-love and deciding what is right for them.  You really do have your answers within, if you can get out of your own way, as in your negative thinking.  This is where keeping your mind open serves you best.  And the next time a woman sets a boundary with you, don’t take it personally.  She’s not trying to be mean.  She’s actually trying to be kind to herself.  Honor that.  We are all in charge of our own happiness.

I’ve learned I’d rather be known as the happy girl than the nice girl.  Cause happy girls are nice, but nice girls aren’t always happy.