That saying we’ve heard before. The idea that we’re in it for ourselves and shouldn’t befriend people we see as competition or that we don’t have anything to gain from. That looking straight ahead at a goal mentality that I admired in the go-getter vibe that successful people seemed to have. This 100% never worked for me.

It’s actually a foreign concept to me because I tend to make friends wherever I go.  I’m friendly and can make chit-chat with anyone.  But that can drain me after a while.  Those weather conversations get stale and I start to feel on-dimensional.  I’m not a meteorologist.  I’m a joyist. I want to hear about your dreams, how you fell in love, what your greatest lesson, and what brings you bliss.

I do see how for some the idea of making friends in a learning situation or when they are in a class is not as feasible.  They can’t do both.  I can.  What I did in my twenties though is I thought being liked was currency.  I thought that currency added up to self-worth.  If they saw my value, I mattered. I had a greater value when acknowledged for being nice, fun, likeable, helpful, friendly, and non-threatening.  That got old.  That put me in a box.  That limited me.  Not that I’m a menacing creature now, by the twenties me would have felt threatened by the thirty-seven year old sasspot I am now. I would like her, but I wouldn’t always understand her.

That tenaciousness of the gal I am now would be off putting at times to the old me, if I was feeling down or small.  I fell for the competition chick mindset where I’d compare myself to other ladies back then.  I was looking to make friends always.  To belong and fit in seemed like the goal.  That lil’ insecure middle school dork with frizzy hair, braces for my overbite with a gap between my front teeth, and freckles was always wondering when and if I’d feel okay.  I felt normal at times, crazy at times, cool for moments, and lots of not knowing what I would be when I grew up.  Not just in a job sense, but in a being sense as well.  Life always seemed to be easy for those chicas I wanted to be like and/or befriend.

I still have some friends I’ve had for a long time, but many friendships shifted since then.  Our vibes didn’t match any more.  I became my own best friend in the process.  I stopped seeking others to fill me up or to fix.  Co-dependency is not for the fierce.  I rose past that and wanted to take responsibility for my life and my feelings/vibes/emotions.  I still get my feelings hurt occasionally (this used to be daily) and I do want people to be different sometimes and then I remember I’m only in charge of me.  So I did come here to make friends, as in Earth, but I would never sacrifice my own happiness or growth to be friends with anyone ever.  I don’t play small for others or want them to do so for me.  Toot your horn and I’ll ne cheering.  If someone makes me feel bad, my energy makes me take note. If I feel like they’re jealous in some way, I feel intimidated about some aspect they embody, or they don’t seem make time for me, then it’s feedback for me.  It’s nothing personal and yet it’s all about me.  I check myself.  No blame game or victim here.  I always have the power to decide what I want and not project drama or look for validation outside myself for worth or even my own limitations.  I steer my ship.   I’m the captain.  I wear the cute hat.

I create awesome experiences and some friends will not be lifers, they are moments people.  That’s okay.  Nothing wrong.  The good energy you put out to other, whether they receive, acknowledge, or appreciate it will be returned back to you in some way.  Don’t worry worry where it will come from.  Be a good friend, but be your best you above all else..