Are these sites revolutionizing parenting or problematic to parenting?  

There are a host of new co-parenting sites that allow potential co-parents to skip love and marriage and get straight to the point – parenting together.

Modamily is one of those sites – the name is a mash-up of “modern” and “family.” These websites are created for those who are seeking compatible partners who are looking to create and then raise a child.

In addition to single women who are looking to have children without commitment, these sites also offer gay and lesbian couples the opportunity to have children.

What separates these sites from an anonymous sperm bank is the opportunity to match with partners who share similar mutual values, common concerns and shared interests.

There appears to be value in sites like these that offer the opportunity to co-parent for those who would otherwise have trouble; however, are they in anyway problematic?

Traditional marriage and parenting structures are shifting in many ways.

Many wonder what has changed about the nature of marriage that makes it less appealing, satisfying and stable.

Some researchers have blamed the ease with which we can get divorced, the general decline in Americans’ desire to marry, or the decline in respect for the institution, despite the fact that most Americans still express a desire to get married and remain optimistic about their chance about their chances for a happy union. But there is also another explanation.

Maybe our expectations are too high without investing enough time and effort into our relationships to make these expectations achievable.

Many changes have taken place with regard to our expectations for marriage which may have actually set the stage for many marriages to fail, and for many remaining marriages to feel unsatisfying.

Researchers argue that throughout various periods of our history, we expected our spouses to satisfy our needs for resources (income, putting food on the table, etc), safety and security and our need to feel loved and cared for.

Modern marriage, which has been coined “self-expressive” marriage, adds to these existing expectations. Now, we not only expect that our spouse will facilitate our needs for closeness and connection, but also our needs for personal growth and development.

With such high expectations on relationships, it’s no wonder many single women are turning to these types of sites to fulfill their desires to parent.

A big way we can combat this issue is by reducing our expectations. Many people still have the expectation that they should meet someone who will meet an impossible volume of needs.

We expect to fall in love with someone who will take care of us, raise the children, pursue a career and let us pursue ours, cook the meals, fix the plumping, mow the lawn, keep the house clean, all while being a caring, considerate friend and lover. If partners can’t meet those realities, we don’t see them as a fit match.

There are also people who don’t feel they need to rely on someone they love and are in a committed relationship with to parent. While it is possible to parent without being married, there is great value in a child growing up in a household where they see love and mutual respect shared between parents.

This is not to take away from all the great single parents out here but if we have the opportunity to create that space for a child, shouldn’t we shoot for it?