One of marriage’s longest traditions is the practice of men asking a father’s permission to marry their daughters. However, are today’s young men still talking with dads before popping the question, or has the practice become outdated?
In discussions with young adults about marriage, several agreed that asking for their partner’s hand in marriage was a given. Kyle Pender, a New Jersey resident, proposed to his girlfriend a few days before his interview with Fox News Digital. He said, “My girlfriend comes from a very traditional Italian upbringing. So even if she weren’t from that upbringing, I still would have done it.”
Pender continued, “I think it’s more of a respect thing. Not like, ‘Oh, it’s tradition, you have to do it.’ I think it’s just more respectful if you’re close with your fiancé or partner’s family. It’s a good thing to do and just to make sure that everyone’s on board with the next steps.” Pender credited his upbringing as having guided his current views on the subject. He said, “I grew up… my parents taught me to be very respectful. I was always around my mom and my dad. So I had both of them to kind of look at. And they had a good marriage, and that’s what my dad did. So I just want to emulate that.”
Alivia Grace Talley, vice president of the Network of Enlightened Women chapter at Clemson University, helped share the female perspective. She told Fox News Digital, “As a 21-year-old woman who just recently got married, I believe that it shows respect and honor to a father by a man asking for his permission to marry his daughter. I believe it’s a sign of integrity and maturity.”
Kim Forrest, senior editor at The Knot, said their recent studies have shown the tradition of asking fathers for permission continues to be “popular and relevant.” She pointed to The Knot 2022 Real Weddings Study, which found that 71 percent of surveyed individuals asked their partner’s parent or parents for permission before proposing. She suggested, “If your partner comes from a traditional family that anticipates a discussion about your proposal plans, seeking their blessing might be important to prevent any hurt feelings. Similarly, if you share a close bond with their family, involving them might hold significance to you.”
However, Forrest also pointed to evolving traditions. She told Fox News Digital, “However, it can look a little different these days,” Forrest told Fox Digital. “Today, it’s not uncommon for the groom to seek the mother’s or even a stepparent’s blessing, and it’s also not unheard of for the bride to be the one seeking permission to marry. We’re also finding that marriers are moving away from ‘asking for permission,’ and rather stating their intention to marry to parents and family members.”
She continued, “Modern couples don’t necessarily need parents’ permission to wed, but they do want to include their families in the process. Sharing the intention to marry with your future in-laws before the proposal will be a special moment for them and give them a sense of involvement.” She said data from The Knot also showed the majority of young adults still regard marriage “as a significant life event that they eagerly look forward to.”
In their recent Future of Marriage survey, they found that 81 percent of Gen Z are open to the possibility of getting married, with 1 in 2 saying they definitely see it happening this year.