The pastor of an SBC megachurch is being criticized for what is being labeled his “advice to women.” Pastor Josh Howerton of Lakepointe Church in Rockwall, Texas, gave a sermon in February where he recalled a “golden nugget of advice” he’d received about how Christian couples should celebrate their wedding day. He noted that women have often been planning their wedding days their entire lives and that it was the man’s duty to “stand where she tells you to stand, wear what she tells to you to wear and do what she tells you to do.” He followed it up by telling the women in the audience that the man has been planning the wedding night his whole life so that she should “just stand where he tells you to stand, wear what he tells you to wear and do what he tells you to do.”

The comment about the wedding night particularly sparked the ire of Sheila Gregoire, author of The Great Sex Rescue and host of the Bare Marriage podcast. Gregoire is known for exposing what she considers sexist notions about women and sexuality within evangelical circles, taking aim particularly at purity culture’s effects on women’s sexual impotency and marital rape. Posting a clip of Howerton speaking to women about the wedding night, Gregoire accused him of “Spreading messages that result in 2.5 times higher rate of vaginismus.” “Marital rape is not funny,” she added. “Normalizing sexual coercion is not funny. Not caring at all about female pleasure is not funny.” Gregoire then dedicated an episode of Bare Marriage to Howerton’s comments, speaking with guest Jay Stringer about their concerns. Stringer called it “harmful” and “abusive.” “Women don’t want to bear the entire mental load for the wedding,” added Gregoire, noting that a wedding should be planned by both the man and woman. Stringer stated that the wedding is an indication as to whether or not the whole marriage will be “collaborative.” Gregoire also stated Howerton’s comments were indicative of a mindset that ignores the sexual desires of women and entitles men to get what they want. Stringer called it “a pornified view of marriage.” 

Howerton pushed back against the criticism, stating it was meant to be a joke. Without naming Gregoire specifically, he stated he was being taken out of context. “The type of people who post these things will not care (watch how they respond to this comment – no one will acknowledge ‘oh wow, that’s new info’), but this is a lie,” wrote Howerton. “The person who originally posted this took an old preacher joke about marriage, edited out the comment immediately before aimed at men, and then very conveniently ended the clip before it’s made clear it’s part of a joke.” Gregoire did respond by sharing the whole sermon to offer the full context. She has called out Howerton in the past, accusing him of plagiarizing his sermons. Howerton pushed back against those claims as well.