Pastor Greg Laurie of Harvest Christian Fellowship spoke to his congregation last Sunday and spoke to the congregation about how to keep their marriages strong. Laurie has been married to his wife, Cathe, since 1974 and warned his congregation against things that can tear a marriage apart. He noted several key factors that can weaken a marriage: selfishness, “deficient communication,” and adultery. When speaking about selfishness, he said, “I go into the marriage thinking, ‘marriage is going to make everything better’ or ‘this man or this woman is going to solve all of my problems, etc.’ We literally think this mate of ours is going to meet all of our needs. … It’s time to look in the mirror. Because in time, you might start blaming your mate for all of the problems in your marriage. But look in the mirror, and you might find that the problem is you.” He referred the congregation to Ephesians 5:25, which states, “love your wife as Christ loves the church, and the husband ought to love his wife as his own body, and He who loves his wife loves himself.” “Notice it’s a given there,” Laurie said. “It’s not saying you need to love yourself more. It’s assumed that you already love yourself. … So it’s just saying love your wife as much as you love yourself. And how do you do that, men? By laying your life down for her, by putting her needs above your own.” His words are very countercultural to “be the best you” and “live your best life” self-help guides that dominate the market.

In discussing what he called “deficient communication,” Laurie referred to James 1:19 and said, “So, when your wife or your husband has a problem, instead of cutting them off [and] saying, ‘I don’t want to talk about it.’ You need to say, ‘alright, tell me what’s troubling you.’ And even if you think it’s utterly ridiculous, hear them out, understand what they’re saying.”  He also stressed the importance of maintaining the proper tone. “Avoid raising your voice. If you feel rage boiling up inside of you, you need to walk away. … You want to resolve this. Ephesians 4:31 says, ‘get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, slander and all types of evil behavior. Be kind to each other, tender-hearted, forgiving one another as God through Christ has forgiven you,’” he said.

Finally, in addressing adultery, he urged his congregation against sexual temptation. “It’a a mouse click away,” he warned. He also acknowledged infidelity as being one area where divorce is allowed, the second being abandonment. The Institute for Family Studies found that the US divorce rate had actually hit a 50-year low in 2019. However, the Pew Research Center also found that a record number of American adults were unmarried. Their research showed that in 2002, 60% of adults between the ages of 18 to 44 had ever been married. From 2013-2017, that percentage dropped to 50%. Marriage is also less valued. Just 16% of men and 17% of women stated that being married was essential to live a fulfilling life. Laurie, however, has pushed for a focus on marriage for many years. In 2019, he wrote on his Twitter, “In marriage, you have to keep your eye on the ball. That means constantly doing things to strengthen your marriage. Don’t merely be reactive; be proactive. Be the best husband you can be. Be the best wife you can be. Stoke the flames of your romance. Don’t neglect it.”