The way you think and act invites who and what you will bring into your life. We’ve all experienced that. For example, if in your core you truly do not believe you deserve a healthy relationship, but continue to go on dates hoping to meet “the one,” you are subconsciously putting out a message that you are not deserving of what you desire—and you won’t get it. On the other hand, if you believe healthy love is on its way and you project that confidence out in the world, you have a much better chance of making it so.

This is the time to review what messages you received about relationships when you were growing up. Did your parents talk about love, or only about responsibility? Did they do what they should do, or what their hearts told them to do? Were they stifled as a married couple, or did they grow in their relationship?

Our parents’ marriage is often the template for our own relationships. We believe that’s what love and marriage look like. If our parents grew together and deepened their love, that’s a great template to follow. But marriage addicts typically came from families where their parents never truly followed their own hearts. Often, they stayed together because of social conventions. Are you attracting partners who mirror your parents’ relationship because that’s what you believe relationships look like?

What you truly believe is possible, is what you are worthy of, if what your life will give you. Do you block love by the messages you tell yourself? Do you say out loud that you want to find love, but internally tell yourself it will never happen for you? Mixed messages will never get you what you want.

Start living as if you already have love in your life. When you expect things to be different, you will start attracting different energy—and different people. There is always space and time to reinvent yourself. Align yourself with people, places, and things that resonate with love, hopefulness, and joy. You never know who you will meet hanging around good and joyful people.

There is nothing wrong with envisioning what your life might feel like when you find that healthy partner. It is the desperate neediness that you must have someone that creates negative energy. Turn desperation into knowing and certainty that the right partner is just around the corner. Express gratitude that the right kind of love for you—the kind you truly deserve and desire—is on its way.

The greatest place you can start is having deep compassion from where you have been and accepting exactly where you are. What’s important in your life and what is no longer serving you? Get rid of the activities, thoughts and feelings that are filling you with negativity. Be open, believe, and expect to receive. This is how you become the person you wish to attract.

Sherry Gaba, LCSW is a Radio Host, Certified Transformation Coach and author of the award winning book The Law of Sobriety: Attracting Positive Energy for a Powerful Recovery and Ecourse. You can take her quiz to find out if you are co-dependent or sign up for a 30 minute strategy session with Sherry. Check out Sherry’s new book The Marriage and Relationship Junkie: Kicking Your Obsession.