It is summer, hot and horny, and I am on a roll. So I am going to continue this theme of beauty, attraction, seduction, sex, love and self-love until I run out of content — or steam, whichever comes first.

The Queen heartily suggests that you have a love affair with your Self.

* Get to know your Self

Acknowledge your thoughts and feelings, your fears and fantasies. Spend some quality time alone together — just you, yourself, and you. Turn off the computer, the phone, the fax, and the TV. Put on your favorite music, or simply savor the silence. Entertain a program of non-directed Self-discovery. Stare out the window or into a candle flame or a mirror. Clear your mind of inner chatter and let it wander where it will.

* Take interest in your Self

Engage in projects of Self-expression in order to reconnect with your higher nature and your inner best Self. Do an exercise tape. Go for a run, walk, swim, or bike ride. Read your Tarot cards. Consult the I Ching. Do yoga. Meditate. Drum, chant, dance. Write in your journal. Transcribe your dreams. Create an altar. Paint a picture or your walls. Sing silly songs. Have a good cry. Pound on pillows and scream. Laugh out loud.

* Please your Self.

Work at establishing a warm, rich atmosphere for your own physical comfort and aesthetic enjoyment. Indulge in a variety of sensory delights. Surround yourself — your body, your home, and to whatever degree possible, your office — with the colors, textures, sounds, and smells that you love and that express your personality. Light candles and incense.

* Court your Self.

Get all dressed up purely for the fun of it. Take yourself on a dream date. Go somewhere you have been meaning to go. Do things that you love. Buy yourself special treats. Compliment yourself, applaud and appreciate your strength and your beauty. Whisper sweet somethings in your ear. Tickle your fancy. Pull down the shades, turn off the lights, and dance till you drop. Massage your body with sweet oils. Kiss yourself. Masturbate. Make yourself a marvelous breakfast in the morning. Send yourself flowers with a note saying, “I love you.”

These exercises in Self-appreciation and affection are not meant to seal ourselves off from others forever, or to replace any current or future relationships, but to make sure that we do not get involved for the wrong reasons — out of fear or desperation. We emerge from these Self-love exercises with the secure knowledge that we are our own best lover. And when and if we choose, we are able to share that love with someone special who will understand how precious it is and return it in kind.

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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.