Since I started my Midlife Midwife™ practice, I have received many requests for detailed instructions on how to become a Queen. “Dear Mama Donna,” women would write, “I want to be a Queen, too. How do I access my power? How can I feel good about myself? How do I change my life? How do I find magic and spiritual wisdom? How do I know what to do? How do I learn how to rule?”

The reality is that I cannot possibly know how anyone else will attain her Queendom, I only know how I came into mine, and that is largely through hindsight. The truth, my truth, at least, is that there is no one truth. We must each find our own way in this world.

As a shaman, I teach through example, but not through dictum. I can and do offer information, exposure, personal experience, encouragement, inspiration, suggestions and support to my constituents, but I cannot — dare not — pass judgment or establish rules and laws. It is simply not for me to say.

When my students and clients come to me for help and spiritual guidance, I listen to their concerns and embrace their needs. I pat them on the back, give them a good, swift kick in the butt, or let them cry on my shoulder, as needed. I can tell them what I did in such and such situation, how I did it, what I learned from this or that lesson, but I cannot tell them what they should do. How do I know what their souls need? Only they know what they know.

I can and do, of course, aid them in reaching into the well of their own deepest wisdom, and help them to hear the messages from their best inner Selves. A woman who has attended several of my workshops recently hugged me and told me that I had changed her life. “Well, no, of course, I didn’t, honey,” I assured her. “You changed your own life.” The fact of the matter remains that I could not give her what was not already hers.

So how will you become the Queen of Your Self? What is your path? What are your lessons? What are your intentions? What is your purpose? What is your authentic power?

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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.