Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. or

Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. 

Thank goodness there’s a name for this disorder.

Somehow I feel better even though I have it!

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway,

I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage,

I notice mail on the porch table that

I brought up from the mailbox earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table,

Put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,

And notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back

On the table and take out the garbage first. 

But then I think,

Since I’m going to be near the mailbox

When I take out the garbage anyway,

I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table,

And see that there is only one check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study,

So I go inside the house to my desk where

I find the can of Pepsi I’d been drinking

I’m going to look for my checks,

But first I need to push the Pepsi aside

So that I don’t accidentally knock it over.

The Pepsi is getting warm,

And I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,

A vase of flowers on the counter

Catches my eye — they need water. 

I put the Pepsi on the counter and

Discover my reading glasses that

I’ve been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk,

But first I’m going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter,

Fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.

Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,

I’ll be looking for the remote,

But I won’t remember that it’s on the kitchen table,

So I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,

But first I’ll water the flowers. 

I pour some water in the flowers,

But quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table,

Get some towels and wipe up the spill. 

Then, I head down the hall trying to

Remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:

The car isn’t washed

The bills aren’t paid

There is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter

The flowers don’t have enough water,

There is still only 1 check in my check book,

I can’t find the remote,

I can’t find my glasses,

And I don’t remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,

I’m really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day,

And I’m really tired. 

I realize this is a serious problem,

And I’ll try to get some help for it,

But first I’ll check my e-mail…

Do me a favor.

Forward this message to everyone you know,

Because I don’t remember who the hell I’ve sent it to.

– Sent in by the Queens in the New Bern, NC Queen Group

 

* ***

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.