Here is some wisdom about learning to love your Self that was written by a junior at Mills College. Bless her heart for trying to learn at such a tender age what many women are still struggling with in their mature years.
By Tymeesa Rutledge
This post will discuss the importance of having the relationship with oneself. A self-love journey is about loving myself for all of the insecurities and flaws I have.
I never thought about my negative voice being my “inner mean girl.” But, that’s definitely what she is. A total mean girl! She constantly tells me I won’t finish my homework on time, that I’ll never have a “good boyfriend” or be a “good friend” because I didn’t deserve any of it.
While all of us has an inner mean girl, the manifestation is a little different for everyone. Sometimes there are “inner mean sisters” thriving inside you — six of them in total. Maybe you have the mean girl that tells you “You got an ‘A-’ when you should have gotten an ‘A.’” Christine likes to call her the “achievement junkie” because nothing she ever achieves is good enough.
Or, maybe she or her sister’s the “comparison queen.” You know, that mean girl that tells you “You’ve been on television when you were 21. Big deal! Oprah has been on television since she was only 20.”
Whatever your inner mean girl says to you, her words come from a place of past hurt. Maybe, like me, you’ve been disappointed in past relationships with ex-partners. Maybe you’re still carrying baggage that needs to be dropped off at your local UPS storage that you can come and visit whenever you like versus being the hoarding “bag lady.”
If you have any of these mean girls or their sisters Judy Jealousy, Heather the Hater, etc., you can join me in the Self-Love Cleanse.
The Self-Love Cleanse is a 40-day journey in which you commit yourself to loving YOU.
When my inner mean girl says “Tymeesa, you’ll never do that” or “you’re not organized enough,” I tell her that I love her and ask myself “What am I afraid of?” The Self-Love Cleanse is a personalized journey. You can choose and make up whatever works for you.
Like I mentioned earlier, I’ve been disappointed many times in my life by family, friends, boyfriends — you name it! But, my inner mean girl doesn’t want me to get hurt again. As a defense mechanism, she says mean things out of fear or insecurity. I understand where she is coming from. So instead of hating her, I will love her.
The self-love cleanse can be done for yourself as well. It’s a daily battle. It’s moment by moment. Situation by situation, girl.
Self-Love Cleanse: 10 Things to Do for the Next 40 Days
- Write 108 things that you like about yourself.
- Start your morning with gratitude. Look out the window and admire nature.
- Talk to her (the inner self) in the morning. Tell her that you love her. Then, take that inner pause. For the last week, I’ve been saying “I love you Tymeesa” three times every morning.
- When people compliment you, accept the compliment and build a conversation around it. Really receive it! You’re not a bad person acknowledging that you’re cool.
- Appreciate all of the things you have –- whether it’s your friendships, food, water, shelter, etc.
- Drink a cup of tea to relax your soul in the morning. Tea really relaxes me so I start my day in a good state.
- I write a morning prayer in my journal and thank God for what he’s done for me. If you pray or meditate, take the word “more” out of it. For example: Instead of asking “God, let me be more loving,” ask God to continue to allow you “to be loving.” You are accepting yourself as you are right now.
- During the day — lunch, mid-day or afternoon — celebrate 3-5 things that you’ve done so far. You will be surprised at how much you accomplish.
- Be present. I have a problem with this one because I’m always thinking in the past or future. But, I have to appreciate the moment. Why? If your mindset is in the past, you’ll be overcome with regret and if you’re thinking too much about the future, anxiety will consume you.
- Because those are not positive feelings, you should let them go!
Good luck.
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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™
The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.
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