By Jasmin Mitchell, student at Francis Marion University

If I had a nickel for every time someone thought I was narcissistic, I could probably pay off my student loans. Even my family has said this about me; however, I believe narcissism is just something the women in my family possess.

But the more I think about it, the more I begin to realize how so many people have vanity, narcissism and self-realization confused. I often see many females on social media, specifically Snapchat, who take multiple selfies and videos throughout the day. Now some people would think that they are completely full of themselves. However, personally, I wouldn’t know if those women are full of themselves or if they are just recognizing their beauty. Being a female, I know that other females are their biggest critics.

When I was younger, I was, I guess, a sad child. I was lucky enough to have the few friends that I did because without them I would have been completely miserable. I was picked on about everything: the way my hair was styled, to the clothes that I wore, my skin color and my weight. It was as if there was nothing positive about me, in the eyes of those who I went to school with at the time. This continued for MANY years as I progressed through grade school. It even continued when I went to high school. Even though I was at the age where I didn’t really let those kinds of things affect me, deep down I was upset because words really do hurt. For a very long time, I felt unattractive and like a useless human being. It was all because I believed what people said about me, and I looked at myself the way that everyone else perceived me.

Years down the line, it was as if something clicked in me, something that told me not to listen to what people said. I had help from so many different sources that allowed me to overcome the negative thoughts I had about myself. Family, church members, friends – they all opened my eyes to have me see what it is that they saw. I also began to dabble in self-help books which also aided in shaping me to become a better person, spiritually and emotionally. Now, I don’t think I’m the Queen of Sheba, but I do think very highly of myself, which I believe every woman should.

Now what do I mean when I say “self-realization?” My definition of self-realization is finally seeing your worth as an individual, knowing that you are on this Earth with a purpose, embracing who you are as an individual, and using your talents to benefit yourself and others. Also, it is the ability to recognize that you are a beautiful spirit, physically and mentally – to be able to smile in every photo, able to walk tall and to tap into your higher self. Self-realization is creating positive vibrations and to exert a positive energy flow to others around you. All of these things and more tie into my own definition of self-realization.

The females who I mentioned earlier, showing their beautiful smiles 24-7 on my social media pages. I can say that I am one of those females. I am always taking pictures and videos of myself every day, not concerned with what another person would have to say about it. And I am proud to be one of those women because for a long time I didn’t feel that I was bright enough to shine. Now I realize that I am a queen in my own way, as are all of the other beautiful women of this world.

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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.