Peter’s
Mom always told him that she started going to AA because she was worried about
where her drinking habit would lead her. She wasn’t drinking a lot, but she was
drinking every day. And, she said, she needed that drink (vodka on the
rocks) at the end of the day, “to take the edge off.” With
a family history of alcoholism, it scared her to think of where that one drink
might lead. So she went to AA and stopped drinking.

She did,
however, continue to drink coffee, smoke cigarettes, and take anti-depressants. 

So last night, Peter and I were
talking about the pleasures of a glass of wine (or, in his case in the summer,
a gin and tonic). And he wondered out loud if he should heed his
mother’s warnings and give up his evening drink. Here’s the scene: the kids are
getting tired and hungry and tend to whine, pull on our clothes, and
occasionally collapse on the floor because they didn’t get their way (for
William that would be, “No, you may not have a pistachio right now,”
for Penny, something like, “No, I will not read Ladybug Girl at the Beach with you for the seventeenth time
today”). The alcohol smoothes the family wrinkles, softens the
cries. It takes the edge off.

But should it?

Before I try to answer
that question, let’s move to another scene. Early morning. Penny usually awakes
between 5:00 and 5:30 and patters into our room for one of us to help her use
the potty. It’s a rare morning that she goes back to sleep. She plays by
herself until 6:00 or 6:30, but we’re slightly aware of her presence until we
rouse ourselves and head downstairs. Our kids know that the first thing that
needs to happen in the morning is: “Dad makes coffee.” “Mom makes tea.”
Caffeine is a prerequisite for the morning together.

What I wonder is whether
there is a difference between that morning stimulant and that afternoon
depressant, assuming that both are consumed in limited quantities (i.e. one or
two cups of coffee/tea, one alcoholic beverage on a normal night, two if
there’s a dinner party involved)? Was there a difference, for my mother-in-law,
between the coffee and the vodka?

There is a purist in me
that argues I shouldn’t need caffeine. I should honor my body and get the sleep
I need. I shouldn’t need alcohol. I should cultivate the “fruit of the Spirit,”
which includes patience, even at the family witching hour.

And there’s a realist in
me that says I am a human being who lives in a body, a body gets tired and
cranky. And there are perfectly good substances that can change that tired,
cranky body into a wakeful, happy one.

I’m grateful for the good
pleasure of a cup of tea in the morning and a glass of wine at night. But I’m
also aware that any good thing can be loved too much. And loving the wrong
thing, and loving it too much, leads to destruction.  

What do you think?