You are to be holy to me because I, the LORD, am holy, and I
have set you apart from the nations to be my own. (Leviticus 20:26)

 

Tonight at church, the pastor was preaching on
Hab…Haba…(help me, Google)… Habakkuk (thanks, buddy). We’re doing a
series on it, and tonight he began to describe the judgment that God was going
to pass on Israel via the even more evil Babylonians. I was doing my
best to follow along, when something he said caught my attention.

 

“Israel, you were supposed to be different, holy, set
apart.”

 

And that made me think. Usually, when I think of myself and my
differences, my “otherness,” I think of it as a bad thing or
something that needs to be changed. Rocking in church? Better stop it. Stimming
(Stimming is short for “self-stimulatory behavior.”  It
refers to repetitive motions that many people with autism do as a means of
regulating and calming themselves.  Examples include tapping, rocking,
hand flapping, and humming.  Non-autistic people stim all the time when
they tap their feet, twirl their hair, or shake their legs) at the lights at the Broadway showing of Hairspray? Quit that.
Greeting new people with “Hi, do you like cats?” Not exactly socially
appropriate.

 

But autism isn’t the only way that I’m different. If
“normal” for my age is going to bars, smoking, and having sex,
(that’s the stuff the girls my age at work go on about), then I’m glad I’m not
normal. I don’t drink, or swear, or date, or wear revealing clothing because
God has called me to be set apart from my peer group. I’m not saying that it’s
wrong for everyone to drink and date and whatnot. I don’t know what God says to
other people. I can only speak for myself, and what He has called me to do and
be.

 

Rather than thinking of my autism in the negative, maybe it’s
time to consider the ways it contributes to my holiness, which, after all, is
what I strive to be (not saying I succeed, though). Because I’m kind of stuck
in childhood, I’m not tempted to watch sex or swearing or violence on TV or
read it in books or see R-rated movies. I’m not tempted to be sexually
inappropriate. And getting drunk and doing drugs is so far off my radar, I’ve
never even been in a bar or seen a drug, let alone wanted to try them.

 

While most people in their 20s have outgrown their childhood
innocence, I’m pretty sure most of mine remains intact. I’m certainly more
sensitive to the injustice and inhumanity of the world than a lot of people I
know (for example, I often cry when I see animals dead on the road, even if
it’s a skunk).

 

And if God is calling Christians to be set apart, other…
holy… then maybe rocking, stimming, and questions of genuine interest (rather
than the obligatory “how are yous”) aren’t so bad either, eh?

 

Maybe God created me to be this way. (Different. Other. Autistic.)
Maybe He did it as a way of mirroring His own holiness in one of His creations.
Or maybe He knew that, without the autism, I wouldn’t be able to stand up to
the temptation that surrounds me.

 

What I’m saying is what Leigh has said so many times, but now
I’m coming to understand for myself, now that I have some explanation behind
it. I’ve always thought of autism as being something that is all bad, but that
God can use for good. But now I’m starting to see that maybe He actually made
it for good to begin with. Good not despite of autism, but because of it.

 

I want to succeed in my work not despite of my autism but
because of it.

 

I want my family and friends not love me not despite of my
autism but because of it.

 

I want to be set apart not despite of my autism but because of
it.

 

And most importantly to me, I want to be Godly not despite of my
autism, but because of it.

 

I think I’m starting to understand…

Lydia is a 22-year-old who resides somewhere on the autism spectrum and loves her service cat, Elsie.  Her blog, AutisticSpeaks, can be found atwww.autisticspeaks.blogspot.com.

**For an explanation of the title “Perfectly Human,” and to read the first entry in this series, click here. 

To read all the entries in the series, type “Perfectly Human” into the search box in the upper right