Why is it that a pregnant woman’s body becomes an object other people feel free to comment upon? And why is it that people think it’s okay to comment upon how large a pregnant woman looks when it is considered rude to do the same with a non-pregnant person?
A few recent examples:
“When are you due?”
“In January.”
“Are you sure you aren’t having twins?”
Forced smile. “I think I would know by now.”
Or:
“When are you due?”
“In January. Just two more months.”
“Are you sure that’s the right due date?” And then she paused, as if she was really questioning whether I had the due date correct.
“Yes. I’m sure.”
“But you look like you could give birth right now.”
I held back the line I wanted to offer–well, you look like you could give birth too, and you aren’t even pregnant. And again, I forced a smile, “Well, hopefully the baby will wait until January.”
One more:
“When are you due?”
“In January.”
“Wow. Do you always look so large when you’re pregnant?”
For the record, I am 29 weeks pregnant and I have gained 25 pounds. Not record setting levels, although apparently it looks quite pronounced on my 5′ 1″ frame.
I wish I could write that I have learned about graciousness and compassion from all these comments. Or at least that I’ve developed a tougher skin and really don’t care what people say. But it just makes me mad. And I do care.
So really, all I’ve learned (and this is the third go round) is that it is never appropriate to tell a woman that she looks large. If you want to say it, don’t. Try not to think about her as an unusual object but as a human being. Remember that it’s not exciting for her to lose the ability to touch her toes or sleep comfortably or eat tomato-based products. And just say, “You look great.” Even if you have to lie.
Read Previous Post
